Thursday, June 25, 2009

Yesterday, I took Emily to the Psychiatrist to check on her medication. For those not familiar with my spirited little daughter, she was diagnosed last year with ADHD and possibly ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder). Life with Emily is not easy. She is moody. She is stubborn. She is prone to hysterical fits of rage that last for hours if she is given the chance. Her needs for constant attention, cause her to purposefully annoy others by poking them or jumping on them or doing things to intentionally incite a negative backlash. My words cannot adequately express what we have gone through, the frustrations, the tears, the anger. Despite the fact that I know Emily cannot help it, sometimes I lose my cool with her. As there is no male figure here other than my 16 year old son, it is just me who has intercede, quell tempers, and restore peace and light to our home. Realizing we all needed help, I started bringing Emily to a behavioral therapist last November. It took barely any time at all for the BT to see the less joyful side of my daughter and she was quickly referred to a psychiatrist for an eval. Em was placed on Strattera which did some good but as time has gone on, it was noticeable to me and many others that there was definite room for improvement. So, the Dr. prescribed Prozac. No effect. After a particularly bad Monday that resulted in my 14 year daughter calling me in tears after watching Em for 10 minutes while I went grocery shopping, I was hoping for some answers yesterday. The drugs aren't working! THe prozac did nothing! Her behavior is still out of control! We need help! Her psych asked me to describe her behaviors and I did. He said, medicine won't fix that. That, YOU have fix. I paused.. Me... I forgot that I have a part in the healing process, in her healing process. THe Dr. is a human being who can only base his advice on what has been proven and tested and this is not a bad thing. But, we as patients can rely on what WE know. WE can fall back on our own experience. We can look at the anecdotal evidence. We can take into account the experiences of others. We can look at the improbable. We can take part in our OWN healing. In the cancer world, my Dr. is only concerned with the tumor and that is in fact what he is treating. It is up to me to treat my spirit, my soul, and the cells that are NOT cancerous. This is where MY power lies. I cannot wait for the Dr. to prescribe for me the magic pill because it just plain does not exist. There are some things that I have to fix. There are some things that I have to change and there are some things that I have to do.

The cure of the part should not be attempted without treatment of the whole. No attempt should be made to cure the body without the soul. Let no one persuade you to cure the head until he has first given you his soul to be cured, for this is the great error of our day, that physicians first separate the soul from the body." PLATO

I can change my attitude and how I deal with my problems.
I can change what I eat and make sure that everything I put in my mouth is healthy and is nourishing. A bag of chips satisfies hunger. It does not nourish.
I can change my focus.
I can change how I spend my time, more work? or more family time?
I can simplify my life and reduce as many stressors as possible.
I can change my sleep schedule and make sure I get enough.
I can see the good side and not the bad.
I can do many things....what I can't do, is give my Dr. all the power to heal me.

Emily's meds help to a point. The rest of her healing.... she and I have to do.


Kris said...

Let me know if there is anything I can do to help

Michelle said...

I like what you wrote about what you have control of. I just wrote in my blog a little about that. Because, it's so true that I can control so much in my life. I refuse to do radiation & chemo (again). I just feel that it sucked the life out of me. I believe in boosting my immune system, not breaking it down. It felt so good last month when my Dr gave me a prescription for a immune suppressant drug and I said No! It's my body...I choose to eat carrots instead of cake! This is because veggies are better for me! But, I do love cake!