Re-emerging from the Matrix...

The holidays are over. The tree is down and back in its box and the last of Christmas was packed in boxes and put back under the stairs. New Years Day for me, is the last day of Christmas. As usual, we spent it on the couch watching movies, recovering from NYE which was very nice this year. I worked my normal shift at Big Box Mart this weekend and last night, I laid down to take a little nap and woke up at 7:30 this morning. All my co-workers were back from their holiday vacations, my inbox was full, and at 4pm today, started the first steps back into Cancer-land. I slugged down my two bottle fulls of Barium. UCK!! After a full day of fasting, you would think they would provide a better tasting radioactive compound that is at least thirst quenching. I couldn't even have any water. Then, went to the hospital for the trip down the rabbit hole to Cancer-land. Only instead of Hookah smoking characters and the mad hatter, we have mad Dr's, radioactive isotopes, needles, scanxiety, and sometimes and I mean sometimes, some really really good drugs. There was something sobering about handing the intake worker a script for the scan that said "DX-Metastatic Sarcoma" a nice and depressing reminder that the illusion of the matrix was gone and I was stuck looking straight at the energy sucking reality of this disease. So, after getting poked three times in the arm because of stubborn veins, through the medical rabbit hole I went. After the first batch of pics, the tech came out to inject the dye and asked if I already started the chemo. I said no. He said, so you've had no chemo or radiation at all? No, I said...just radiation to the tumor. As a cancer patient, I read too much into everything. I look for looks on the tech's faces. Do they look piteously as I leave the room? Do they smile? Then I overanalyze everything. Do things look normal? Is that why he asked if I started the chemo? My fingers are crossed that my nutritional protocol finally started kicking my rouge cells in line. But my kids don't listen to me immediately. Why should my rouge cells? I'll keep kicking those cells in line with broccoli and fish oil!! That will teach them! We got some extra pics of my liver. After seeing the alarm on my face, the tech said that one small pocket didn't take up the dye normally and it looked like I have a small cyst. Because of my history, he wanted to be sure. Great! Another thing to worry about. Double Broccoli!! Double Omega 3!! Double green juice!! Thus ends my entry into Cancer-Land. On Wednesday, I go to the U of C for an EKG and Blood work. Hopefully by then, my veins will have adjusted their attitude, the Dr. will not make me wait two hours and the tests will be a breeze. In my little matrix world, the nodules will have resolved themselves and I'll be kicked out of the study due to NED :) I can dream can't I?