THINGS MY KIDS DO THAT DRIVE ME CRAZY!!!

For those of you who have never seen Bill Cosby's "Himself", it is SUCH a must see for any parent and oh so true. God is the ultimate jokester and we can see it especially in our children. Sense of humor is such a necessity to deal with God and His little creations. Let's face it, it takes a special kind of person to have children and NOT go totally insane. Bill said that all children are BRAIN DAMAGED! My kids are LOADED with Brain damage...it's EVERYWHERE I LOOK! I am a single parent of three children and am happy to announce that I have been on Prozac for YEARS and am feeling MUCH better now.

Why is it that every single light must be on? Are children blind? Every where they go, they leave a light on. It just doesn't matter if it's broad daylight with bright sun, there's a light on. It doesn't matter if they are not in the room, there is a light on. I watch my son and daughter as they move through the house, flicking a light on in every room they go and of course, the light stays on when they leave. Actually, I think that carries through in everything. This past summer, my son Kris had the responsibility of watering the flowers. Needless to say turning OFF the hose after he was done was a particular challenge. One day, we noticed a nice puddle in the backyard so deep there was a duck swimming in it. Since the summer had been dry and there had been a steady rain during the night, I thought maybe the ground was just way too hard to absorb the water. That was until my brother discovered that the hose had been left on since the last time Kris watered the plants...2 DAYS! I'm happy to announce that finally 3 months later, I have the water bill ALMOST paid off.

Which leads me to the second thing--throwing things away and why does it never happen?
After a child takes a bandaid in my house, the box is left on the counter and the little plastic strip thingy's are still left there on the bathroom sink. Yes, the garbage can is right next to the sink so there is no way I have erroneously expected my children to walk a few feet. After one of my children feeds the cat, there on the counter, is an empty can of catfood with a fork in it. Empty milk containers, empty cereal boxes, cookie boxes, are either left next to the garbage or put back into the pantry. Throw it away??? Never. Perhaps they are thinking that if they put those things back, the rest of us will not notice that they are empty. Perhaps they are just not thinking at all. My daughter when she cleans her room does not throw away used kleenex, candy wrappers or Q-TIPS, she just shoves them in a drawer, under a bed, or in the closet. So, if anyone is ever a victim of the great kleenex shortage, please let me know. We have some used ones I would be happy to send you. Putting things away is along these same lines. Right now as I type this, there is a loaf of bread and a container of mustard sitting on the counter where my son left it after he made his lunch this morning. Yesterday, it was a gallon of milk and a box of cereal.

I bought laundry bags for both children a year ago because I was tired of seeing all the laundry scattered all over the floors of the childrens rooms. Needless to say, with the introduction of the laundry bag, I am happy to announce that the laundry is not scattered all over the room anymore. It is dumped in a pile NEXT to the laundry bag.

My kids are now responsible for cleaning the kitchen after dinner. I wasn't aware and I'm so glad my children told me, that the counter by the microwave, the counter next to the stove and the floor are NOT part of the kitchen. I was wondering why those never get swept and wiped down.

Putting things away is a blog in itself. It never happens. We'll leave it at that.

Other things of note, my son used the garage door as a way to stop his bike. Yes, his brakes worked perfectly fine but I guess it was more fun to smash his bike into the garage door to stop himself. Of course after yelling at him for doing that, he stopped and decided once to use the outdoor grill instead. No, I have not yet purchased another grill. No more funny than when he decided to find out what happens when you run a lawn mower over a newspaper. Funny thing is, the newspaper wasn't even in the lawn at the time. It was in the middle of the driveway. I just don't know... Or when we caught him peeing in a bush in the front of the yard. I just don't know.


Upon cleaning my daughters room once, I found a bunch of Oreo cookie crumbs in her bed. Of course she insisted she had no idea how they got there. I looked at her said, "Are there gnomes in your room?" " I don't know!" She says. Under her pillow, were little rolled up balls of Oreo cookie filling that she was obviously saving for when the world runs out of Oreos.

I do not buy poptarts. I refuse! Not that I have something against a pop tart. Not that I don't like them. BUT MY KIDS MAKE ME CRAZY FIGHTING OVER THE DAMN THINGS. The last incident, we fondly call "POPTART GATE 2005" occurred for the last time a month ago. What happened? Someone, (JOE), ate the last Poptart that Cass was saving for the weekend. She came up to me as I was working and shoved the empty box in my face and screetched.."KRIS ATE THE LAST POPTART!!! HE KNEW IT WAS MIIIINNNNE!!!" She stomped around. She yelled. She screamed. She threw a fit! It was ugly..UGLY folks. Geez Cass...it's a POPTART! It's not the Hope Diamond! There are more in the store! Of course, that just led to a laundry list of food someone took the last of that she was saving for herself...NO MORE POPTARTS!

And then there is the phone. As I was working on a huge account this past summer, I had a daily conference call at 3:30 every day to go over the orders, the equipment yadda yadda..Important business stuff. Cass sits next to me as I'm on this call with a scowl on her face. Finally after 10 minutes she stomps into the kitchen and comes back a few minutes later with a note that said, "Are you almost done with the phone? I need to call Caitlin." No need to go into what happened to her when I was done with the call.. but she is still alive.

Please share your stories. I would love to hear them.