Dude, where's my car?

It snowed Tuesday night:the first significant snow of the season. I wandered into Walmart to do more of those courses but my ID, though reactivated, needed an additional 24 hours to show up in the system as such. So, I picked up some Christmas gifts I ordered and had shipped there and wandered out into the parking lot. I couldn't find my car. I am the queen of "can't find my car". I have a tendency to do that often because my brain is on 100 other things that I just don't pay attention to something as insignificant as where the Hell I parked. So, I try to look cool as I wander in and out of lanes when I'm really thinking "WTF!" Such was that night but it's difficult to look cool carrying a huge box with a car following me hoping to snag my spot as I then realize my car isn't there and duck between two mini vans. 15 minutes later the idea of theft crossed my mind and then I caught myself. "Who would want MY car?" It's a van with scratches on both sides because someone keyed it and two missing door handles on the back due to two ice storms that iced my doors shut. I ripped those suckers right off trying to get the door open and almost beat the living hell out of the car out of frustration! I found it exactly 3 lanes down from where I swear I parked it. I'm a yutz!

When I got home, Emily was all excited because it was snowing and she wanted to go out right then and build a snowman. She spent a lot of time at the window watching the snow. So did I. Though I usually find snow annoying, I was struck by the quiet as I got out of the car and stood there for a bit just noticing how peaceful it was outside. It looked really pretty over our outside lighted deer family, the garland on the railings and the trees. The trees were frosted..very nice. And then reality struck yesterday when I had to go outside and shovel all 6 inches plus what the snow plow threw on the end of my driveway. Magic over.

It was Cassie's birthday yesterday. She is now an official annoying teenager. I gave her a purse with some makeup, (mascara and some eye shadow, a lip balm, and a $50 gift card to her favorite store. I put a $100 in the little wallet in there which was a cash gift from relatives. She asked for Tacos to eat and I bought a small birthday cake. She spent the evening putting her pens and pencils, bus pass etc. into her new purse.

One of those getting to know you things Christmas style

I never send these things on because I'm a bad friend. I am the name they always list as least likely to play but here's one Christmas style:

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? I HATE WRAPPING!!! It's one of the pains of Christmas. I buy the wrapping paper and spend the night before the Day, sucking down wine while I fight with the damn paper. After losing the scissors, pen, and tape ten times in a pile of wrapping drippings then trying to figure out how to make the paper that I cut too short, fit on the box, I get about two hours of sleep and my presents look like crap! Gift bags!! GIFT BAGS FOR EVERYONE!!

2. Real tree or artificial? FAKE! I like my fake pipe cleaner tree. No dry needles, no fire hazzard, easy clean up and it pays for itself in 3 years.

3. When do you put up the tree? I do not. I make my brother do it so it's usually whenever the stupid Illini aren't playing and he's sober. This year, it was Thanksgiving Day.

4. When do you take the tree down? Infinity, Effinity....the Feast of the three wise men.

5. Do you like eggnog? yes, especially with a shot of rum.

6. Favorite gift received as a child? There were two: my Barbie townhouse that my brother sat on 5 hours after Christmas and bent the cardboard support so it was more like the Barbie townhome post San Francisco Earthquake and this little green record player I got when I was six.

7. Do you have a Nativity scene? Yes, it's a nice one and it's been in the box for the past three years because it's expensive, difficult to put together and my three year old and two cats have no scruples.

8. Hardest person to buy for? My dad because he has every fricking thing. My sister is a close second for the same reason.

9. Easiest person to buy for? Emily. Just order the toy section in the Wishbook.

10. Worst Christmas gift you ever received? Uhh whatever I get at the Bowling grab bag, some perfume (don't wear it) Turtle neck sweater (don't wear those either. I feel like I'm choking)

11. Mail or email Christmas cards? Christmas cards??

12. Favorite Christmas Movie? Holiday Inn. I have no idea why.

13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? Well, every year I intend to buy a little throughout the year and every year I start around the week before Thanksgiving, put it all on credit cards and have it paid off sometime around the following July.

14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? Does giving it the Goodwill count?

15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? Cookies, chocolate, beer, wine, beer, shrimp, beer shrimp, champagne...

16. Clear lights or colored on the tree? Lots of little colored lights on a NON PRELIT TREE inside! White lights outside.

17.Favorite Christmas song? The Halleluiah Chorus by Haydn. God was truly with him when he wrote that. It gives me chills. (It came to my attention that it was Handel that wrote this not Haydn. I knew that! What was I thinking??? I apologize for the misinformation.)

18. Travel at Christmas or stay home? Sit at home on my ass and drink beer in my jammies.

19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeers? Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen, Dasher, Dancer, Vixen and um..uh... Guess not and RUDOLF does not count! Which one am I'm missing dammit??

20. Angel on the tree top or a star? A beanie baby Ostrich. Ask my brother.

21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning? Eve. We're freaks.

22. Most annoying thing about this time of year? Let me count the ways, STARTING WITH WRAPPING PRESENTS! No parking, crowds, going into debt...

But, if we all watch the South Park episode with Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo, we all learn that we spend too much time listening to the Politically correct media gripe about Christmas and all that's wrong with it, that sometimes we forget what's right with it. So screw saying Happy Holidays. It's MERRY CHRISTMAS!

And to my Jewish friends, Happy Chanukkah. I know that starts Wednesday!

I'm not as stupid as I thought.

Kris is doing better. His biggest complaint is sore muscles from all the throwing up so he's been walking around rather gingerly today. Some of it may be pain. Some may be the lifted chore requirement for being sick. I made him get up and walk around for at least 10 minutes each hour and was quite the Nazi about it. Kris looked at me and said, you had a few physical therapy sessions and you've turned into a terrorist! The Immodium AD is working and he's starting to regain his appetite. Maybe I should have gone to med school after all :o)

Walmart called today apologizing. I was initially confused but the HR person said that there was a miscommunication between her and management and I should not have been put on the schedule. She said, we'd like to have you back if you want to give us a second chance. But they were modifying my role to cashier so there will be no lifting, bending and running around. This position allows for more flexibility in scheduling which is a good thing. Cool with me. I'm supposed to go in and discuss a start date and a training schedule. I guess the hiring practices of the largest retailer aren't as disorganized as I thought and I wasn't the dummy who missed something in the orientation.

My GRE studying has gone better. I am starting to at least score better than 60% percent on the Math portion. Verbally, I'm a lot stronger but I am a woman and we're known for garrulousness (<------ GRE Study word) The first practice test I took, I scored 330 out of 800 on the practice Math. Now, I know how to add. I know how to multiply and I know how to divide. I can even add fractions! But um, apparently I'm deficient in figuring out how fast Pump A and Pump B can clear out a basin of water together if there is a thunderstorm looming and approaching at 30mph and Pump B has a hair line crack and Pump A's operator had to take a Union enforced lunch break. I'm working on that though. Now what was that Quadratic equation again?

Em has been better or I've been handling her better. Last weekend, my work laptop died and I had to ship it back to the Laptop service center to get it fixed, which resulted in me being absolutely BORED to tears at work all week. I modified my personal laptop to accommodate a few of the applications I use in my daily grind but my Dell has issues and it's slow so most of my day was spent rebooting and clearing blue screens of death. Anyway, I needed a password reset to access my online version of Outlook. Called our helpless desk in Denver and spoke to a woman. Em was home with me all week because Grace was on vacation. The week before Thanksgiving, I was going crazy with her. She was rotten and I just didn't have time for it. So, while I was talking to this woman about my password, Em started screaming to get out of her crib. The woman asked how old she was. I said, oh, she's 31/2 and capable of getting out of the crib herself. She just doesn't want to. She's got some behavioral issues. The woman said, OHHHH! Well, do you mind if I make some suggestions? Sure, says I. I am ready to accept any advice that will help me with the child. Turns out her son has ADHD. Some of her advice really really helped to diffuse some of the temper and the meltdowns. I'm not perfect with her and sometimes I lose it but it was a much better week. I guess God was looking after me. I spoke with someone I needed to speak with at the time I needed it. It's funny how that works. I was never one to believe in cooincidence.

Midwest Winter has hit. It's really blech outside. I left the house to run and errand and it took around 45 minutes to drive 7 miles. Stupid snow. Stupid ice. Stupid Winter. This just means the stupid locks are going to be stupid frozen on my stupid car and I have to use the stupid ice scraper on the stupid window.
Stupid Stupid Stupid...

Oh blah!

It's been a very bad night and I'm exhausted.

Kris kicked his ear infection but has been complaining of stomach aches on and off for the past two weeks. He was fine on Thanksgiving. The day after T-day, I let him go to the movies with a friend. The day after, he was complaining that a hamburger he ate at the mall didn't agree with him but was in decent spirits. Sunday, he was on the couch with a low grade temp and he took many trips to the bathroom. Yesterday, he came home from school and said he felt tired. We took his temp and he had a low grade fever of about 99. He ate dinner and an hour after dinner, said it didn't agree with him and he threw up. From that point on, he was throwing up every 5-10 minutes. I sent him to bed. I went to bed and slept an hour. Around 1am, he woke me up and said he couldn't stop throwing up. It was awful. His stomach wouldn't handle water. It wouldn't even tolerate his own saliva. Around 2:30, I called the hospital and they recommended I page the Dr. on call at my Dr's office. I did that prepared to take Kris to the ER if need be. The Dr. never called back. Luckily, Kris stopped throwing up around 4am. At 6am he woke me up to say he was able to take a sip of water. HOORAY! He's resting now but has a temp of a 100. I'm allowing him only fluids right now which he's not griping about. His stomach still hurts from all the puking but he says, the nausea he's been feeling on and off since Saturday morning is gone. I hope this is a step in the right direction for him.

Em is out for the day so I have some peace and quiet.

My week ...

I hope everyone had a nice Thanksgiving. Last week must have been the most chaotic week ever!

The weekend before Thanksgiving I had shopping to try and get to, carpet cleaning, kids, driving, housework, this and that.. I went into Wally World for a few hours Sat afternoon to do some of those online courses they wanted done. I had maybe 15 or 18 to do before they put me on the schedule and each one took about 20 minutes. If I didn't pass, I had to go through the whole damn thing over again without the option to skip ahead. BLAH! I did three hours worth and ran home. Of course the kids hadn't started on the house. The place was a disaster! My daughter may have picked up one piece of clothing from her floor. My son probably accomplished a few messages on Myspace and little else. Em was running around unclothed. Chaos, mass hysteria....Spent Saturday night cleaning and getting the wash started. Sunday, I decided I would clean the carpet just one more time before the holiday spills, ribbon filled cat yak, spilled beer, food, chocolate etc. etc. Moved all the furniture and got the LR ready for the tree which I hadn't bought yet. Got done at 7. My back hurt. My legs hurt. But the LR looked nice and everything was arranged for the tree. Monday, spent all day on the phone working an expedite for one of our holiday dependent customers. Couldn't get Em to daycare. She was a pain in the butt all day waiting until I was on the phone with my boss and others to raise a fuss and be difficult. Unfortunately, I couldn't take her to Grace's becasue I had conference calls every hour with the team to discuss the expedites. I grew hundreds of gray hairs that day but we got the equipment out despite the obstacles. Kris had a trumpet lesson. I needed to get dinner on the stove. Em was yanking my arm because she wanted to play her "pickle chips" game (pixelchicks.com) Cass was griping about her day. Had to go to the store after dinner to get dry goods. Did that. Forgot cat litter. Got home at 8:30. Gave Em a bath. Attempted to sit down and relax but that was futile. I cheered when all kids were in bed and I could enjoy some me time. "Me time." HA HA.. My me time consisted of me falling asleep. Tuesday, more of the same. Had siding replaced last week so there were workers here pounding on the walls for 4 days. Scads of old siding was all over the lawn and the mailman couldn't get to the front door. Received notice that they returned a registered letter to the Post Office for that reason. Great! Now I have to go get the letter AND the damn tree and shop for Thanksgiving. To top it all off, a couple carpet guys called to schedule estimates. Scheduled carpet guy one for Wed morning. Carpet guy two was scheduled for this past Monday. Grocery shopped. Forgot the cat litter AGAIN. Hauled $150 worth of groceries into the house. Went to the post office to pick up the registered letter. Was told that it wasn't back yet from the carrier. Told to come back Wed. Made dinner. Bath for Em. Study with Cassie for her Science test. Kicked Kristpher off Myspace. Cleaned kitchen. Studied a little for the GRE. Ran around until end of the day and collapsed with the kids. Wednesday, worked, left to run an errand at the courthouse. My morning carpet estimate didn't happen. I thought I'd pick up the registered mail, go into Walmart and do more courses, and when Joe came home, get the tree from Menards when Joe returned home that night and before Black Friday. As I was driving back from the Post Office, the carpet installer called and said he was 10 minutes from my house. UGH!! Ran home and abandoned Wal-mart since it was just courses. Figured I'd get the tree after dinner. When I got home, message from Joe that he wouldn't be in that night. UGH! Kris was whining he wanted to go to a movie. Cass was whining she wanted to go to a friends. I exploded! The kids eyes were like saucers. Kris called his friend and said mom is freaking out. I need to stay home and help. Cass pouted but went and started cleaning the LR for the next day. House is still a disaster. I don't have the damn tree. It's snowing and crappy outside. WAHHHH!! Got my estimate. Went out in the crap with Kris and picked out a tree and hauled that 100lb sucker home. Spent the evening cleaning, then lived in a state of vegetation for the next few days. We got the holiday decorations up and I finally remembered the cat litter. The poop that my cat took in one of the bedrooms was a good reminder. MOLLLY!!!

Over the weekend, my work laptop died. I modified my home PC to access some of my work apps but I've been bored and feeling guilty and totally useless just sitting here. Went into Wal-mart Monday night to finish more courses. Ran into one of the managers who needed to clock me in. When we tried, the badge didn't work. To make a long story short, they put me on the schedule for this past weekend and noone told me. As far as I knew, I wasn't done with my courses yet. Well, he said, Didn't you get a handwritten schedule? Umm.. no one handed me one or discussed one with me. Oh.. well, you better call HR in the morning and explain to her. Well that's a load of crap! I felt so stupid and so humiliated. Not only did I not receive any communication from the department supervisor that they put me on the schedule, no one called when I didn't show up. If they had, I would have scooted out the door and apologized profusely for my ignorance and they wouldn't have wasted all that money on training me. In addition, they would have someone now and not 3weeks from now but hey, I'm not a manager so what do I know. I guess it's better to assume the employee blew you off. So much for their "Respect for Individual" clause. I hadn't been trained on the position. Tossing a brand spanking new employee in a job without introducing them to their supervisor, discussing hours, and explaining the position when the busiest shopping weekend of the year is looming, is normal there? I dunno. I haven't been able to reach to the HR person yet. I can't wait to have that conversation. I do know that I have decided that I'm not pleading for that job back. I'll take the Christmas season, enjoy it and revisit part time employment after the holidays.

Oh, Cass had a bloody nose yesterday. She gets them often during the Winter because of the dry air. I toldher to look in the medicine cabinet for the Vaseline. A little later she came back and said, "Mom, we don't have any Vagisil." Uh Say what?? You know, Vagisil.. what you told me to find. Well LOL!! That cracked me up. No honey, I said VASELINE.

Have a better week than me.

The first thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me....

Finding a Christmas Tree..

It has been brought to my attention that my old fake tree is starting to go the way of the Charlie Brown tree. It all started with two kittens and has ended with a rambunctious, defiant, toddler. So the thing has a few gaps but whatever, if it's a new tree I need, what the heck. Most people really like the real tree thing. Not I. $20 bux, gotta haul the thing myself, deal with a fire hazzard, and pick needles out of the carpet until the following Thanksgiving. That is just NOT for me. I'm lazy. I want a fake tree and I want a fake tree that is NOT PRE-LIT. Some Christmas tree manufacturer was bloody brilliant!! The Pre-lit trees just scream, HEY! I'm LAZY but they also scream HEY! I really wanna go broke buying new Christmas Trees. My dad bought a nice, expensive Pre-lit that lasted about 3 Christmases. Then a light burned out and when one went out, THEY ALL WENT OUT thus totally erradicating the total coolness of not having to take 20 minutes and string their own lights but, did create the need for a new 400 dollar tree. The best laid plans, I tell ya.... So, I have searched Loews, Home Depot, Menard's and Sears and all they seem to be advertising are the Pre-lit online anyway. Like I said, I'm lazy. This now means I now have to actually go to the damn store..the second thing at Christmas that is such a pain to me! Unless it's a bookstore or liquor store, I never darken a store doorstep from the week before Christmas until the last holiday sale sometime in January. Hello online shopping delivered compliments of my brown shirted UPS Santa. Goodbye parking problems, crowds, pushing and shoving and having to actually leave the house, drive in the cold and walk from BFI to the front door of the shopping mall. The things I do for my kids. At least I don't have anymore kittens.

Cleanup in Aisle 7

In my efforts to reduce my debts, I started the process of applying for part time jobs a month ago. It's not something I really wanted to do. I mean, I work full time for Ma Bell, deal with my kids crap and work crap and life crap, why not a little crap from disgruntled and crabby holiday shoppers too? I started at .....Wal-Mart this past Saturday: the granddaddy of retail. The HR person called on Friday and told me I needed to be at an orientation on Saturday morning. Here I am thinking one or two hours of work and I leave. Eight hours later, I was walking out of there and of course the kids did basically very little around the house. Cass still hasn't finished her weekend chores. She swore she cleaned her room. But when looking for laundry, I saw crammed under her end table, a bowl, a spoon, two glasses of water and an empty carton of frosting. I guess under the bed and end table in the kid handbook is NOT part of the room. I reamed her out and had her wash those dishes and told her if there is a single crumb in her room from now on, her new bigger and better room is going to Emily and she can continue to trash the room she's got.

My sense of humor lately is very compromised. I know they say being a mom is the toughest job you'll ever love but I really really think that sometimes that is the biggest load of crapola ever spouted. Kristopher likes to make smoothies. He KNOWS he is not supposed to because he makes a mess and doesn't clean it up and it requires the use of an appliance that I'm not 100% sure I trust him with. Tonight, after giving Emster a bath and helping Cass study for her history test, I finished up washing some supper dishes and noticed a glass that smelled remarkably like Smoothie. GRRRRRRR! The blender was kinda washed, kinda..but he left drips of smoothie on the counter illustrating yet again why I generally don't allow to make himself anything in the kitchen. So, I asked him under whose permission he made himself that smoothie and HE LIED TO ME and told me he NEVER touched the strawberries or the blender. Really Kris, do I have STUPID branded in my forehead??? I said, evidence one, half rinsed out cup. Evidence 2, drips on the counter. Evidence 3, spoon that smells a whole heck of a lot like strawberry. "Ok but I only took a few strawberries." TO THE MOON, KRIS!

Cass, there are a bunch of dishes under your bed. Do you mind telling me how they got there? "I don't know." She says! ........OH PLEASE!!

We have strict rules about eating in the Living Room and the Basement. Yesterday, after Kristopher "cleaned", I went downstairs and inspected and found at least 10 empty juice box wrappers crammed behind the DVD player, in the toybox, in the video cabinet, under the couch, behind the couch, in my piano bench, under the sink in the bathroom and in various places in my sons room. Of course neither of the kids drank them. I keep forgetting we have those dish stealing, juice box drinking gnomes. Currently, 5 forks and 5 spoons are missing. I have no idea where they are. Found one under the sink in the downstairs bathroom. My guess is they are with Jimmy Hoffa.

Perhaps working at Wal-Mart with crabby disgruntled holiday shoppers will be easier than dealing with my children and I get paid for that.

Too many worries and just not enough humor

There just hasn't much good news lately so I've been lacking on really funny material because there just hasn't been much. Things are kind of UN-Fun at the moment.

Kristopher had a nasty cold. A trip to the Dr. 2 weeks ago revealed a nice double ear infection. Got him on the antibiotics. Then I got the nasty cold and spent 4 days with a 102 temp and a headache. Believe me, I was quite the crabass. To make matters worse, Emily was absolutely atrocious the few days I was laid up and I was ready to trade her in for a puppy. On the fifth day, the fever broke but I still had a cough which finally has gone away leaving me with the same crappy allergies I've had since May. Kris still has his ear infection even after his 10 days of antibiotics so we are trying a different antibiotic. While we're on the subject of Kristopher, an envelope from his school arrived last week. Inside was a lovely letter from the assistant principal informing me of a disciplinary action taken because my son stood up in the middle of his first period class and told a classmate to "fuck off." OY!!! I could only bang my head on a wall. To make matters worse for my son, he lied to me. He told me he stayed after school to practice for his Jazz band tryout. Actually, he was serving a detention. GROUNDED. When his mid semester grades arrived a few days later..... we'll just say he might be off grounding by the time he is 30. I would like the universe to explain to me how in the world my son, with a mom who majored in English, a grandma who was an English teacher, an Uncle who teaches English, an Aunt who majored in English and a Great Aunt who majored in English can get a C- in ENGLISH?????? Well mom, I boffed the test on "The Odyssey" Uh HUh! Next time number one son, try opening the book and reading it!!! His MYSPACE and Guitar Hero time is now severely limited.

Problem number two is Emily. Everyone that knows me and knows Em, also knows she has always been difficult. As a baby, she cried and cried constantly. I thought at the time it was Colic. I'm beginning to think Emily just has an inability to calm herself. As a toddler, she has issues with changes and transitions and not just the big changes, the little ones. Mr. Monk lives in my house. The past couple months, she has become increasingly more difficult to deal with. Every day is a battle. When the weather got colder, I had to dress her in long pants, socks and shoes and a jacket. She absolutely REFUSED to wear the jacket and kicked so I couldn't put on the shoes. She just couldn't understand that the weather wasn't warm anymore and flip flops and shorts can't be worn anymore. I put her in the jacket and attempted to haul her to the car. She plopped down on the ground screaming. I picked her screaming little self up and tried to put her in her car seat. She stiffened so I couldn't buckle it. After a 30 minute all out, drag out tantrum, she finally calmed down enough for me to get her buckled in. And so it goes, every day, to daycare, from daycare, at home...it's endless. Today, after it took Kris and me to get her dressed, me to hold her and him to put her shoes and socks on, I was in tears. She screamed all the way to Grace's house. True to form, she screamed all the way home as well and Grace's daughter had to help me get Em into the car. I feel like such a failure. I can't get this child to do anything. I can't take her anywhere because the minute I take her out in public, she acts up and I spend so much time shushing her, I don't enjoy myself and neither does anyone in the near vicinity. A couple weeks ago, I took the kids to a nice restaurant for dinner. Em was good for about 30 minutes but I could tell she was building up to a big finish. She had to go the bathroom. This restaurant was small and there was just one bathroom. Emily insisted on going herself but I wouldn't let her and went in the bathroom with her. She literally threw herself on the ground and started screaming. Then she refused to go the bathroom. I took her back to the table and went to the bathroom myself. While I was in there, I heard a scream and what sounded like glass breaking. Emily wanted to play with the salt shaker. She started tossing salt around, so Kris and Cass took it away from her. Emily kicked the table and all the glasses of water tumbled over and spilled on the floor. Emily dove under the table to hide from me. That was it. I had had it. Took her to the car and gave her an "attitude adjustment" I was so embarrassed! I apologized profusely to the staff. And this is what it is like all the time. I discussed this with my family Dr and she is referring me to a Child Development Specialist. I know toddlers have tantrums but I also can tell that my child's behavior is well outside the realm of normal. I just don't know what to do about it. I'm hoping that this person gives me some guidance before Emily grows up to be like the other half of her DNA. That leaves Cassie who is her little angsty self but the easiest of my kids to deal with at the moment. Her biggest concern is what is on sale at Kohl's. She's doing great in school and other than the fact that she doesn't do a great job on chores and we're still finding leftover kleenex, candy wrappers, and cookie crumbs in her room, there hasn't been a whole lot to be concerned about with her.....YET.

More gray hairs...plucking daily.

My ex is an IDIOT!!

Here we go again. It's like clockwork. He gets a new GF and his head is farther up his butt then when he's not dating. This time, I had a two week reprieve in between GF's where he was somewhat easier to deal with. The phases are predictable. He gets a new GF and is all secretive, shows up at my home talking on the phone in hushed voices or asks if he can take Em on a special outing with "someone." A week later, he picks up Em in "someones" car. The following week, the "someone" is IN the car. The games begin. I'm trashed to this "someone" upside down and sideways. He calls me a horrible mother. He accuses me of abuse. He insists his mom and I are out to get him. The GF becomes the ideal and he tells me how much better the new flavor is than I am as a parent. The GF, absolutely baited hook line and sinker, hates me and speaks out against me too, sometimes calls me the B or the C word, even though I have never officially met them or spoken to them at all. My ex plays victim well. SEE HER REPRESSING ME?? CAN"T YOU SEE HER REPRESSING ME??? He picks fights with me in their presence so they can hear him fighting with me OR he is sticky sweet and phony baloney so they can see how hard he tries to be "nice" while I completely blow him off. Oh but he has such an apple pie face. Maybe so, but the heart underneath is as black as night. My advice for anyone who considers dating this person: Keep an excorcist on staff. He'll be spitting up pea soup soon enough.

So, back in September, he tells me he can't take Emily on visits until after 12 on Sundays just for October. He has drill he says, for the Stickney volunteer FD. Well, OK. I marked it on my schedule. It amazes me he even got that. He has asthma but because he hasn't had an attack for 2 years, decided to omit that from his application. NEVERMIND, that people MIGHT count on him to save their lives, it's all about how he looks to others. OOOO..I"m a Fireman. Aren't I cool? Today is Sunday. Today the doorbell rings at 9am. Cassie pads downstairs and says, it's "Emily's dummy dad's name here". She opens the door and I said, "What are you doing here? You're a little early aren't you?" Mind you, Em had just gone potty and Em can't go potty without removing every shred of clothing so there she is running around naked saying "I wanna stay wif you mommy. I wanna stay wif you!" Idiot says, "Oh, didn't I tell you? I decided to blow off drill this morning." If he had told me, do you think I would have asked him what he was doing there? "Oh" he says, "I told my dad. Nyuk Nyuk!" "ARGH!! YOUR DAD IS NOT ME!!" He's standing there looking all smug. I took Em into my room and scrambled to find socks, underwear, and something for her to wear. I got her dressed, grabbed a pair of PJ's and her blankie, shoved them into a backpack and started working on her shoes. Over a month ago, I alerted Brian that two weeks child support was missing. I went through the records and gave him the missing weeks plus the number in Carol Stream to the state disbursement unit. I did all the research. All he had to do was call the number. My guess is, he lost the weeks and the numbers and has had his head up his butt for so long, he forgot. Since that was a month ago, I asked him what he found out. He said "My company sent the money. It came out of my check so it's out of my hands." I asked if he called the Child Support Division. He said all they gave him were 800 numbers. I said "Then call them." So he went off about how it came out of his check. As far as he's concerned he paid it. It's not his problem and I guess Kathy is just out of luck. I said a judge would consider that arrearage. He said he doubted it since the money came out of his check. But, I said, I notified you of an issue and you refuse to resolve it. He said whatever and took Emily and left. Em gave me a huge hug and she walked off with him looking like she was going to the guillotine. I told him if he pulls "SHIT" like this again, Emily would not be going with him. He said, WHATEVER and left.

Yes State of IL, this is definitely in Emily's best interest. Everyones life is MUCH better now. My kids love it when Brian threatens to kabosh vacations. They love it when he acts like an ass to me. None of us can stand him so we do try to make some merriment out the situation. My brother says he looks like an overgrown Barney Rubble. So, sometimes we call him Barney. There are times I feel like putting his name on "Dontdatehimgirl" but I figure someone, somewhere down the line will do it for me. Now that he's not dating little cop girl anymore, perhaps she'll do it or upload his picture and send it to the dating police.

I guess my biggest issue is, he always gets away with it. Girls let him move in with them, drive their car, and spend their money. He uses them like toilet paper and they are gone when they either start to catch on or he has moved on to the next victim. Every relationship he participates in benefits him in some way. With the one he cheated on me with, he got a job. Her daddy owned the electric company he was working for. That resulted in an Apprenticeship for Brian. An Apprenticeship usually takes years to achieve. He did it in a year. Coincidence? I think not. So, after two years, daddy's girl is gone. Onto the next one. Whoever that was, I do not know. Didn't last too long. After court, he was sickly sweet and nice to ME. Hmm, what did I have to offer? Emily of course, and he was 10G's in arrears. Wouldn't it be nice if Kathy forgot the arrearage. Kathy didn't. :) Now, I'm the witch on wheels. Then there was his neighbors wife. Don't think that got too far. Her husband was none too happy about that. Finally, there was cop girl. That relationship got him a neato car to drive and a place to hang his hat. Since neighbors husband was probably shooting him daggers, he wanted out of his parents place right quick. He meets cop girl and two weeks later, he's moved into her place. New GF has a townhome. Brian needs a place to bring Emily and I'm sure he's moving his stuff in as we speak. Apartments are expensive. He has no money and he's impulsive. There ya have it, another soft place to land. Another unsuspecting victim. The cycle continues. I would just love to see one whap with the Karma stick, just ONE. I feel like a terrible person for wishing that it happens soon. Sometimes Justice is just too slow.

Here's a game someone sent me. Go ahead and blow off a bit of your work day.

http://www.ferryhalim.com/orisinal/g2/applegame.htm

We must do it for the children...

I was just listening to the news 5 minutes ago and just had to comment on this absolutely, frickingly, unbelievably ridiculous new ban that Cook County is proposing.
***SOAPBOX WARNING***

Ya'all weren't with me on my blatant opposition to the smoking ban. But, you all said, "SMOKING IS SO BAD FOR YOU and your smoke *cough cough* is making me sick! We could all DIIIIIEEEE" I would like to clarify that I am an EX smoker nor am I PRO cigarette. I would prefer that my children not make the choice to smoke someday but if if toking a smoke is the worst thing they ever do, I will consider myself a successful parent. I told ya'all that if you allow the ban and high taxation of cigarettes, sooner or later the government will ban something YOU like. We don't want to open that box, I said, business owners in America should have the choice as to how they want to run their own business. We, as Americans, should have the choice whether we want to patronize that business or go elsewhere. Is that not Capitalism? As a volunteer for the American Cancer Society, I took issue with them when they spouted that employees have no choice. Pardon me but they do. Thank you Mr. Big Brother ACS and Government but as a former Restaurant Manager, I can tell you that 80% of service industry workers smoke and do worse. I can also tell you that on every city block, there is a food establishment of some kind. Turnover is high in the service industry. Those people are finding work somewhere. Do we really need the government to take control of those choices? Do we want the Government telling us how to live? Apparently those of you in my state said, YES. PLEASE MR. GOVERNMENT! SAVE US FROM OURSELVES! WE'RE OBVIOUSLY TOO DUMB! So folks, thanks to you we now have a proposed BOTTLED WATER BAN!!! Cook County is thinking about banning the sale of bottled water. Not only are they banning it, they are admonishing anyone who buys it calling them perpetrators of Global Warming and dental caries (No flouride in BOTTLED water) and FOR THE CHILDREN (God, I hate that phrase) we must STOP this travesty before it's too late and all your kids drown in a pool of salt water with the polar bears and have bad teeth.

I am seething at this. Of all things, bottled water has now entered the axis of evil along with the smokes, the beer and the cigars. Shame on you all for buying such an evil product. SHAME SHAME SHAME You should all hang your heads for what you have done to America's children. Now, all you evil bottled water drinkers are killing us all too. How does that feel? I can't wait to see the coroners report and hear the statistics of how many people are dying from Second Hand Bottled Water! But we must do this for the children folks. We must squelch your right to free speech with PC rules. We must curb your terrible smoking, water drinking, McDonald's eating ways. We must make sure there are no trans fats in your fries because we all know evil restaurant establishments make you eat the bad food. We must do this all because our children are SUFFERING!! YES..THERE THEY ARE. America's children are suffering and we need to put freedom and our parenting in a box and let the Government raise our children for us. Let me make a prediction that in the coming years, if you all don't speak up, that there will be more bans on twinkies, gum (bad for teeth..global warming..blah blah blah), extraordinary taxes on any food not considered "healthy", limitations on speech, limitations on how a parent can discipline a child, neighbor tattling on neighbor, more ridiculous lawsuits and censorship.

For anyone that hasn't read Orwell's "1984", I urge you to. Newspeak, Big Brother, Children telling authorities on their parents, we see examples of this every day in the news. Al Sharpton wanting to make using the "N" word a hate crime, a child that was asked pointed questions about her parents including details on how much they drink and their system of discipline then had the DCFS called on them as a result, socialized medicine, the banning of the Chief at the U of I, a lawsuit filed by a neighbor against a man in CA for smoking in his own backyard and she smelled it (HORRORS!), carseats until your children are 80lbs, seatbelt laws.. It's wrong. People, I have a really good idea. Mind your own business. If you don't want to be in a smokey bar, go to the one that doesn't allow it. If you don't want to eat a Big Mac, don't go to McD's but don't impose how you live on others because chances are, someone in Govt thinks you're wrong too. Before anyone gets all rattled, I'm not speaking of murder, child abuse and dire circumstances. I'm talking about your right to live your life and manage it on your own with your own, good or bad choices. Mistakes are how we learn. Autonomy as a human being is important to your emotional health.

In the meantime, I think you can make tons of money buying and redistributing cigarettes from Russia, importing bottled water from across county lines and having your own tobacco plants. What do you think?

******END OF SOAPBOX******

Just wait until next year!

Reflections on Cub Fandom

So, it's Friday night and I'm baking Chocolate Chip cookies for Band Boosters. They are fundraising for a trip to FL to play at the Outback Bowl and I couldn't say no even though I hate baking. It's messy, labor intensive and the baked goods last about 5 minutes on a good day in this place before they're devoured.

Last night, I watched a bit of the Cubs game. Why I put myself through such self abuse, I really don't know. I'm a long time Cubs fan. The first time I sat through a game and made a conscious effort to pay attention, I was about 12. Hermann Franks was manager. Jack "Hey Hey" Brickhouse was announcer. Oddly enough, the first baseball game I ever attended was at Comiskey: The Sox vs Someone or other. I was 6 and couldn't tell Home Plate from a Home Run. I was also bored .... to.... tears and asked question upon question throughout the whole game. If I wasn't about 6 years old, I'm sure the guy and his son sitting in front of us, would have made me a permanent part of the infield. I remember a grand slam during that game which didn't faze me an iota. I was so ready to go home. So, after that game, I left thinking baseball was well, BORING and had no interest in it until puberty when I noticed that the men looked pretty darn good in those tight pants. Yes, embarrassing to say, I started watching baseball because I had a crush on the Cubs second baseman and no it wasn't Ryno at the time. I started watching every chance I got and then the unthinkable happened! The Cubs traded my second baseman to, of all teams, the White Sox. My dad came home laughed at me and said, who is your team now? I said, GO CUBBIES!! I was hooked as a Cub fan. If adolescent hormones couldn't break that bond, nothing could. Here I am 20 some years later, still going through that agony.

I am no fair weather fan. When I was watching, Bobby Bonds was playing first base. Some guy named Junior Kennedy was at Short and some handlebar mustached dude with about a 10. ERA, named Dick Tidrow, may have been their best pitcher. They had no pitching. They had no fielding and they had no fans. My mother took us on Tuesdays, Ladies Day. We paid about 5 bucks to sit in the grandstand and usually that 5 bucks bought us our own section. There were a few people in the bleachers and a few in the box seats behind Home Plate. The camera men were so skilled at finding pockets of people that you would think Wrigley was jammed with people. There was no one. We moved up to the $$ seats (15 dollars) and no one said a word.

It was pretty much par for the course that the Cubs were going to lose. We celebrated every victory and if they lost, well it was the Cubs. It was what we as fans came to expect. It was comfortable like an old shoe, an old shoe with holes in it maybe but an old shoe nonetheless. Our world series consisted of fighting the Mets to stay out of the basement position. .333 win average for the year was par for the course. .500 was UNTHINKABLE. We dreamed about being in contention. We never expected it would ever happen. I related to my Cubs as I went through teen years. I guess they reminded me of me, struggling along, the underdog, lots of angst, a loser. Then there was 1984 and my Cubs were never the same again. All of the sudden, Cubs fans came out of closets, basements, ceilings and Comiskey field. I watched them clinch the Division against the Pittsburg Pirates and it was the most exciting part of my Senior Year. I was revved. This was going to be THE YEAR! IT had been ages. I listed to the story about the goat and the jinx and the gypsy curse. I looked forward to the playoffs. CLeared the family TV so I could watch. Who would have thunk the Gypsy curse would have been Steve Garvey? The Cubs were clobbered. I was heart broken. Then there was 1989. It would be different. They were going to do it this time!! They were clobbered. I was heartbroken again. I lost track of my Cubs for a time, a long time. Tickets that were oh so plentiful in the early 80's were hard to come by. I didn't really have time to watch the games but kept an ear to the news to see how they were doing. Then there was 2003. I decided to risk it. I watched the playoffs. The Cubs were leading 3-1. 3-1!! Odds were on our side. We were going to WIN THAT SERIES and this was going to be OUR YEAR! FINALLY! But as soon as I started thinking that, I caught myself. These are the Cubs we're talking about and memories of 84 and 89 ran through my brain. I saw Moses Alou go for that ball. I saw the Shortstop in that game baubble something routine. I saw my old Cubs right there. The team I knew and loved once again playing in such a way that my sons Little League team may have beaten them. And Bartman, poor Bartman was the new goat so I guess now we can say we let a Goat into Wrigley after all. And I was heartbroken again.

So, here it is 2007. The Cubs won their Division and failed to show up to the playoffs since they are now 0-2. Can they pull it off and win 3 straight at Wrigley? Odds are no and I don't even dare hope. There's a part of me that wishes that it will all go back to the way it was in the 70's and 80's. My team was a loser but I could count on that. Victories were surprises and losses were expected. It was safe. It's often said that a person who is abused everyday is psychologically better off than a person who is abused some days. Why? because the person who is abused everyday, knows what to expect and when to expect it. Am I saying being a Cubs fan these days is like being an abused child? In a way, yes! Battered and beaten, we eat a ton of crow. Since 1984, my Cubs aren't my Cubs anymore. But I'll watch this weekend while I practice saying "Wait until next year!"

The more things change...the more they stay the same.

So, it's Monday. I set my alarm for 6:30 and staggered out of bed at 8:20am. So much for the best laid plans. I hit the coffee pot on the way to the work laptop and sat and stared at the computer screen for a few minutes before attempting to logon and then sat and watched all the email sitting on the server slowly start to download. Chase this. Find that. Where's this. The usual. Four years of doing this job, Four years of dealing with Cisco systems. Four years of living with Murphy and his gosh darn laws in every crevice of this God forsaken corporation. It's all the same. How depressing! Cass and Kris were off to school. Em was still in bed. THANK GOD! I just can't deal with her so early in the morning. Now that she has developed this fascination for everything computer oriented or at least whatever is on the My Little Pony website, she's always pounding on my keyboard, grabbing my mouse, and yanking cables. She sent three IM's last week that said "YYYYYYYYYYYyyJK:FJoiuFP" Actually, maybe I did write that. Sometimes, I don't type very well BC (Before Coffee) but I digress. Nothing really funny happened today either. All of it was...well pretty darn annoying, starting with a 2 hour conference call and ending with a lovely email from one of my son's teachers that said

"If you have received this message, your son/daughter was not prepared to begin class today, either by not having the literature book or not being on task after class began.

Students who do not have materials to participate in class will miss out on the class lesson.

Thanks,
Mrs. Kris's English Teacher "

GAH!!

I did have to arrange a meeting with another of Kris's teachers because my son is getting a D+, yes...a D+!! in one of his classes and a C+ in BAND!!! For the love of pete, all he has to do is show up to Band and he gets an A! So, here's the story: A couple weeks ago, Kris informed me on Sept 13th that the band was to appear at an NIU football game on the 15th. Well that just didn't work out. He had to be at the high school at 5:30am. I had an open house at the University I'm applying to, guests in town, tickets for an event and no one to pick him up from school at 7:30 in the evening. That's OK mom, he said, just write a note explaining that we already have plans for the day which he had me write at 5:30AM the following morning. So, guess what my little Einstein DIDN'T turn in to the teacher. Yes, that's right! That 5:30am note is still sitting in his notebook and Kris gets a big 0 for the gig. Double GAH!! Kicked him in the ass for that one and of course get a ton of static about how none of it is HIS fault. Now, I would love to hear how it isn't his fault because I really need a laugh today. But, I shut him up before he stuck his Reebok in his teenage mouth. He huffed downstairs where Cassie was playing PS2 and for the first time in his life was too pissed at me to hound her. An hour later he comes upstairs and asks me if he can go to his buddy's house for an hour which I ok'd as long as he practiced trumpet and studied for quiz after dinner. Off to work I go, and at 5:10, right as I'm about to leave to get Em from daycare, I get am IM from coworker and from a vendor which I told him I'd have to take on my cell on the way to get the baby. At that very moment, Cassie, sweet innocent Cassie, comes trouncing upstairs wanting to leave to go on a bike ride to nowhere in particular. No, I say. I'm about to leave. I don't want you riding around the neighborhood while I'm gone. WELL YOU LET KRIS LEAVE!! IT'S NOT FAIR!! I DIDN'T GET TO DO ANYTHING YESTERDAY (her fault but another story)!! As, I was running out the door because I was late to get the baby, had no idea what to make for dinner and needed to call a vendor back on an expedite, Cassie was screaming at me and then threw a pen at the door when I left which I reamed her for. If I hadn't have been in a hurry, she'd have a permanent shoe print her butt right now. She lucked out. Nevertheless, while I was on the phone with the vendor, Cass called seven, yes SEVEN TIMES and left 3 messages about how unfair it was.. TRIPLE GAH!!!

So now it's after dinner. THe kitchen is still a mess. The dishwasher is still not emptied out. My son hasn't practiced trumpet OR studied for his quiz. The baby got blue popsicle all over everything. Cassie has given me grief because I wouldn't let her open a cheesecake thingy I bought. The baby needs a bath. I need to study words for the GRE and it's the end of the day and don't feel like it. I wish in my next life I come back as a spoiled housecat. Molly is sitting here, not a care in the world.

I hear screaming. Time to go before the blood flows.

Oh wow...over a year

Hmm...last post Jan 2006. It was snowing. OK so it's been awhile and I totally forgot I had a blog out there in cyberspace with all my mishaps and daily annoyances with my three insane kids. So since the last time I was here, the Cubs won the World Series! HA HA HA HA... OK, that is totally not true but they did just win the Division Friday. GO CUBS!! I haven't seen Hell freeze over yet but who knows, Winter is just around the corner and so is a possibly Cubs-less World Series. "Just wait until next year" that's my creedo. That's my policy! For all you young Cubs fans out there who are whining about the lack of participation on the Cubs part in the last oh lets say 100 World Series, I have one thing to say. SHUT UP! You haven't paid your dues. You haven't said enough "DOH's" and you haven't eaten enough crow. You haven't had enough heckling from all the Oh so smug, South Side fan brigade just yet. Therefore, I will kindly ask ya'all to stuff it. End of soapbox, old time Cub fan, rant!

Too much out happened to catch everyone up on why the long absence. We'll just say there was an interruption in my life and everything changed and I'm still trying to get used to it. That said, I turned 40 yesterday. They say it's a milestone, well at least AT&T did when they congratulated me on my milestone birthday and then added an "Oh by the way, we're raising the cost of your life insurance policy. You'll see the added deduction on your next paycheck." Thanks Guys! Got such a warm fuzzy from that. AT&T and it's death star logo *sigh* just melts my heart with their caring. And thanks to my brother and sister, outside was a nice sign announcing my midlife blues to my friends and neighbors along with 30 wooden beer stein thingys. But, the neighbors had a laugh and laughs are worth a fortune. Now, I am debating how I should show my midlife crisis to the world. I'm too broke for a Porche and a 22 year old. Perhaps a haircut and a bottle of hair dye would do just fine. So, here's to a new decade! If anyone wants to donate the Porche and the 22 year old, I'll take it!

It snowed last night. It snowed A LOT. It's thick and heavy and sitting in clumps on the tree branches. It's 8am and my neighbor, Dan is already out there with the snow blower. That is so amazing. I have just barely gotten out of bed, have not finished my first cup of coffee and am just sitting here in a daze. Emily had a morning tantrum. I hate those! She has a snit about God knows what at least 3 mornings a week. The conclusion: She is not a morning person. Kris looked a little ticked when he woke up, shot Em a look and went downstairs. Cass spent the night at Angela's so we had a nice and quiet evening without a drama about who ate the Ho Ho's and drank the last juice box. Watched the snow as it came down, first as sleet, then as slush, then as these huge flakes. Every now and then, we saw a flash of lightning and heard some thunder. Pretty dramatic and it was so nasty out on the roads, Joe gave up an evening at a bar and stayed home and drank beer instead.

It's been a calmer week at work so I have started on New Years Resolution number 2: Prepare for CCNA exam and hopefully take the darn thing at the end of the year. For those who don't know, CCNA stands for Cisco Certified Network Administrator. I know that there isn't much need for that certification in purchasing but I am hoping to move into Technical Project Management someday and it will be helpful. BUT, the material is challenging and the exam is difficult. When looking for ways to practice, I did find a few online services that for $2000 will take the exam and pass it for me. HA HA! Where there's a will, there's a f'n way. God Bless America and NO, I DIDN'T CONSIDER THAT AS AN OPTION FOR A SECOND! I want the victory of passing this thing all on my own!

Tonight, I am going to see my friends band. He plays Classic Rock in a nice little smokey bar in Aurora. THE BEST! I haven't smoked in ages but I do it vicariously through everyone else. I still miss it but can't bring myself to buy a pack. The worst I've done is snuck a drag off my bowling teammates cigarrette but left it at that: A DRAG.

On todays agenda: Laundry, cleaning, Kristophers carpet. I have a snazzy new carpet shampooer. Band and beer and vicarious cigarettes later.

Kris had a band concert tonight. Emily has a shelf life of about 30 minutes and then lets us all know that she is done sitting and wants out of her chair. So, after chasing after her in the hallway of Conant High School, I am tired. I hope she grows out of this some day and works her way up to a shelf life of 60 minutes so I can actually sit and enjoy something without chasing, shushing, and dodging those..."CAN'T YOU CONTROL YOUR CHILD?" stares. You just cannot reason with a child. Logic and accountability are two traits you will never see in a kid. So, I lay down the law, set the boundaries and hope they learn something. It's just tiring!
I'm going to bed!

New Year's Resolution 2006....

Someone will always be smarter. Their house will be bigger. They will
drive a better car. Their children will do better in school. And their
partners will fix more things around the house. So, let it all go and love
you and your circumstances. Think about it. The prettiest woman in the
world can have a troubled heart. And the most favored woman on your job >may
be unable to have children. The richest woman you know -- she's got the
car, the house the clothes --might be very lonely. So, love you. Love who
you are right now. Tell yourself, "I am too blessed to be stressed."

I think finally...

we have the bodily fluid problem under control but it all came to a head for awhile there. Diharrea to the left of me, puke to the right and here I am stuck in the middle. Emily managed to cause of wave of digestive problems to everyone she came in contact with for two days and the virus finally left her but not without a grand finale. Saturday morning bright and early, shortly after finishing coffee and fortunately before breakfast, Emily blew out her diaper but it was the granddaddy of all diaper blowouts. I never knew so much could come out of something so small! Oh was it disgusting...all over the carpet and she stepped in it and tracked it all over the place! She cleared the cats out of the room that's how nasty it was. But she is feeling much better now.

Christmas is officially over, the decorations are down and it has been cleaned out of the furniture. Jelly stains, chocolate handprints, spilled wine, crushed potato chips, ribbon filled cat yak, pretzels, bits of Christmas dinner, we had enough food in the carpet to feed a third world country. But not only did I do the carpet, I did all the upholstery as well and my back is KILLING me this morning. Kris got on my case we didn't do anything fun all weekend. GRRRRRRRRRR! He got the evil death stare from me on that and then there's Cass, sweet doe eyed Cass. After I spent all weekend, cleaning up the remnants of Christmas and this past weeks flu, I got a little tired and all I wanted to do was sit and just be for a few minutes. So I told Cassie to straighten the kitchen after she was done eating. She threw such a hissy, you'd think I asked her to jump off the Golden Gate Bridge into a swarm of hungry sharks. "WHAT ABOUT KRIS??? WHAT DOES HE HAVE TO DO? THOSE CRUMBS AREN'T MY CRUMBS! ID DIDN'T PUT THAT THERE!" Then she started screaming at Emily who was bringing the contents of her toybox onto the kitchen floor and just generally being her annoying self. I told her to knock it off and I wanted to hear some water running in the sink for the dishes. So, she pouted and turned on the faucet so a little dribble hit the sink and it would take a day to fill the sink. Well, that did it! I got up and calmly told her to go to her room and stay there for the rest of her life or until I called her to come out, whichever comes first. I cleaned the kitchen up which took me all of 10 minutes. It's not like I own the TajMahal. It was two counters, the table and a pan that needed cleaning. WOOP DEE DOOOOOO! So, as punishment for being a bit on the selfish side, she is solely responsible for keeping the kitchen clean for the next 3 days. AND, I had a talk with Kristopher already about NOT being a jerk and leaving all his dishes and crap all over the place knowing she would have to clean them. Yes, he would do that. I remember reading somewhere that children feel more a part of the family if they are required to have some responsibilities maintaining the household. This may come as a shock, but none of the kids has ever thanked me for requiring them to help me. I know. I know.. INCONCEIVABLE.

Nothing new to report. Saw King Kong...which I LOVED! Joe wrote his schpeil on that so I will just shut up. I am also wanting to see Munich. I watched a movie called "Crash" last night which is all about Racism and it's many incarnations. Was good. Unbelievable in parts but overall, I enjoyed it. www.rottentomatoes.com has the reviews if you are interested in reading about the movie.

Later folkses and please let me know your availability for the Berghoff outing.

All the kids are home! Cassie vs the Jelly jar!

It's 9:50am. All my children are home today. Emily is whining. Cassie is whining. Kristopher is pouring gasoline on Cassie's already burning fire by causing her to whine MORE. Already at 9:30am, it's coming to a head. All I did was give Emily a glass of water and it resulted in two absolutely full and horrible diapers. Cass was obsessing over what she wanted for breakfast and I told her if her stomach feels that bad, it's toast time. Of course she wanted jelly with the toast and that led to a meltdown. She had to pull a new jar out of the pantry and little noodle arm couldn't open the jar. So after one attempt, she started whining "Mommmm, I can't open it" "Mommmmm" "Mommm come here. boo hoo hoo" I said..WILL YOU PLEASE THROW THAT CAP UNDER SOME HOT WATER SO THAT YOU CAN OPEN IT! She looks at me.. "WHY ARE YOU YELLING AT ME? I DIDN"T DO ANYTHING!" Then she stomped over to the sink and threw the jar under the water, made one more attempt, couldn't open it and started whining again! So, I walked over there, grabbed the jar and EFFORTLESSLY opened the cap. Then I couldn't resist laughing which was a HUGE mistake on my part. "STOP LAUGHING!" "MOMMMM! WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING AT ME!" "YOU'RE MAKING FUN OF ME." Then of course Kris had to walk in and donned a giggle and all Hell broke loose in the kitchen. Cass threw the toast on the plate and said she wasn't eating it. I yelled at Kris to go away and I didn't need his help. Then told Cassie she better put the fricken jelly on the fricken toast and eat it before I ban jelly along with pop tarts.

The beginning of a beautiful day! Thus concludes Jellygate 2006!

We are all coming down with some stomach bug and feel kinda YUCK.
Cassie has a band concert tonight. It's her first and she is all jazzed up about it. As luck would have it, Kris is home from school today being all whiny and sicky poo and Emster is running around giving me mega diapers. Cass will be so thrilled to know that half her personal audience is wanting to stay home in bed tonight. So, that is all for now. By the way, I love Milano cookies! MMMMMMM

The first 5 days of the New Year.

Hmm...it feels like the old one. It's been a rather uneventful week. Work has been nice and light. The kids are back to school. I am reading "The DaVinci Code." True to form, I started it 2 years after it was trendy and am reading at, of all places, the bowling alley. Yes it's noisy there and smoky and is generally mass pandemonium. Minus the smoke, it feels like HOME! I haven't had a cigarette in ages and ages and previously, my bowling adventure was my VICE NIGHT! I smoked. I drank. I once traded my bra to a biker. Well, all us girls on my team did. Kinda funny and NO, there was no flashing involved. My friend liked his Harley shirt. So we girls traded the bras for the tee shirt. HEE HEE! Those were the days! Now I sit and read and GASP...behave! WTF!? I used to order one of those oil cans of Fosters. Now, I settle for a simple draft. I used to walk out slightly looped. Now, I walk out very sober. What is happening to me???? In any case, it gets me out of the house. I love the bowling alley! No one is there putting on airs and trying to be anything they are not. WE are all just normal everyday people with normal everyday problems throwing a ball down an oily lane imagining that the source of all our stress is the head pin. Babes with balls!

I just realized that the above had nothing to do with the first 5 days of the New Year. My first 5 days:
I got up 5 times.
I went to work 4 times
I had a hangover 1 time
I watched Law and Order, X-Files, WIthout A Trace and a movie called "The Rainmaker".
I chased Emily out of the tree at least 4 times a day for the past 5 days
I vacuumed spilled coffee grounds out of the carpet twice because Em got into the garbage can and had a rip roaring good time with them.
I mediated countless fights between Kris and Cass.

Hmm... Looks like 2006 is looking a whole lot like 2005.
I have some ideas on things to change but it is still a work in progress.
Later!

HALLELUIAH!!

The kids went back to school today!!!!! DO YOU SEE MY HAPPY DANCE??? Of course now they are....*home* SIGHHHHHH! I've heard the word "idiot" 20 times. Cass calls Kris "dumb butt." He calls her "retard." Emmie just says.. COOKIE??? But for 6 hours today, it was quiet even with the voracious toddler pulling things down, touching everything, climbing things and chasing cats. Honestly, I don't know what the child will do when the tree comes down this coming weekend. It's become her bestest buddy. Kristopher made a little ornament for the tree when he was in 1st grade out of a wafer cone and one of those styrofoam balls. It looked like an ice cream cone. IN fact, it looked so much like an ice cream cone that Emily ate it. Well, she ate the wafer part anyway and I guess it didn't taste good because cone crumbs were all over the LR. Kris was upset. I was upset and amused at the same time and I am very happy the darn tree is coming down this weekend because there have been just way too many ornament casualties this year. As a matter of fact, I just pulled one from her hot little hands. Hope your New Years was smashing! We were a tad smashed which is just the way it should be!

Happy New Year

I have a hangover. I have a hangover and an active toddler. OUCH!

Post Christmas ... the resumption of sanity

I am soooo tired. Christmas Eve went off without a hitch. The dinner came out alright. I strive for no complaints. This year, I didn't hear any so I guess it was OK. The leftovers were even better! My kids raked it in! I swear there wasn't anything on the kids list that they didn't get. The living room was covered in boxes and paper and ribbon and in the middle of it all was this toddler who was practically bouncing off the walls trying to figure out what to destroy first. Her grandma opened up the majority of her presents which Emily carried around and dropped in some strategic place. Her piano unfortunately, arrived damaged. The back was crushed in as if something heavy was sitting on it and Em's has to bang on the piano really hard to get any sound out of it at all. OK..That could be a blessing and believe me I know this. But, I did get on the phone with the company that I ordered it from, and they shipped one to me yesterday which I should get in the next few days. Kudo's to Sensational Beginnings for their really good customer service. I asked them if I should have the damaged piano ready for them to pick up and was told to just put it on the curb with the trash. Well cool! So there is a little plug from me for them. After the flurry of wrapping paper and fever pitch excitement about their presents, Christmas Day and the day after Christmas were spent breaking it all. For us adults, it was prime opportunity to sit on our butts and we did! And um..we drank a lot too. YUM. The next stop, NYE. Have I ever mentioned how much I loathe and detest NYE? It is the one day of the year I feel like the biggest loser! I think the whole holiday was cursed when I married my ex on NYE 1993 and it was downhill from there, hook, line and sinker! Since that fateful day, my NYE's have usually been spent getting stood up which has happened countless times, or I make plans and someone gets the flu and I wind up sitting at home with chinese food and a B movie or I get the flu and spend it in bed. Around midnight, I look back at the preceding year and say...what have I accomplished? Nothing! I'm in the same place I was last year, broke, no boyfriend, barely swimming with my head above water and one year older to boot! I am aware it is my own perceptions. I am aware I can adjust my attitude. I am aware of a lot of things. But like Melvin in the movie "Is This as Good as it Gets?" I wonder the same thing every year! IS IT? My life has one thing for sure, a whole lotta drama! All I can say is HAPPY NEW YEAR to all of you and please pass the Prozac!

This could be my last chance!!!

OK .. I got this in my email today and thought I would post this because it was the best laugh I got all week!

"Hi

This is a legitimate appeal for ladies only.
If you are interested or if you want to unsuscribe email me at
togni55@land.ru


I'm an Italian guy,I live in Italy and my name is Andrea.I live in Padova.
I'm sending this message to the people because I'm bored to live in Italy,I'm
looking for a lady what could invite me in usa.I seek a millionaires american
lady who desires a young guy for marriage.
I don't seek a woman who works too much but a lady who has a lot of time
and could meet me.



I would love to find a wealthy lady who lives in one of the following places in
usa or nearby:
1) "The treasure coast",I mean north east Broward County or east Palm Beach
county(FLORIDA)
2)Honolulu (Hawaii)
3)Reno(Nevada)
4)Las Vegas(nevada)
5)Atlanta(georgia)
6)Jupiter,Stuart,Coral Springs,Jensen Beach,Boynton Beach,Deepwater,Hutchinson
Island or Miami(Florida)





Considering that I like the mature women, I'd love to find a lady of 45-60yo
age range.
I'd love to find a gentle long haired lady who lives in a swimming pool house
near the sea (as I like to swim) .
I seek a lady without young or old children,a no smoker lady who could be
widowed,separated,single ,divorced.
I would need a sugarmamma figure at the beginning .



I seek a bisexual woman that figures out of the years,looks young and feels
young :
it's not a problem if she's not beautiful because she should be beautiful inside
and most of all ,she should desire a younger soulmate.(She could be overweight
too)
The thing I desire is to fix a serious stable relationship with a lady who
gives me the opportunity to have a better life.




ABOUT ME:

I have long black hair,my weight is 65 kilos(145 lbs) and my height is about
1.80 metres(5.11)...
I'm no smoker /drinker and I'm good looking.



If you could be the kind of woman I'm looking for, write me soon please!!!!!!


Thank you very much for reading my letter .
I think there must be a woman for me out there.




Cheers

ANDREA TOGNAZZI -Italy"

Now, doesn't he sound like a prize? Ladies, if you are bisexual, rich and old, do give Andrea a call so another Anna Nicole Smith trial can make the news. In the meantime, I don't think I fit the criteria. The only swimming pool I have is the big puddle in the backyard that I get when it rains a lot. I was thinking of upgrading my swimming pool to one that is turtle shaped for Emily. Think Andrea would go for that? I'm sure he's about Emily's age anyhow.

Darn! I wish I had replied to that Swiss Lotto win, then I could afford this Italian Stallion!

Peace!

Merry Christmas

Christmas Greetings to all of you! I am preparing to shut this sucker down for the day so I can focus on creating our Christmas Eve Feast!

On the menu tonight:
Garlic and basil shrimp with Sundried tomatoes over Fettucini.
Salad with Tarragon vinagrette
Steamed cauliflour and Broccoli with mustard sauce.
White wine
Assorted desserts

I am also serving as a pre dinner munchies
Vidalia Onion dip for crackers
Shrimp cocktail
Scallops sauteed in butter and garlic
Vegetable pizza.

Tomorrow, we eat leftovers and get over the hangover.
Do have a wonderful holiday! Hope Santa is good to all of you. I know Santa mom went way over budget this year in this house! Oh well..it's only money right?

Leaving with one of my favorite quotes of all time

Do good anyway...

"In the Final Analysis"

by Mother Teresa

People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered...
forgive them anyway


If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish ulterior motives...
be kind anyway


If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies...
succeed anyway


If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you...
be honest and frank anyway


What you may spend years building, someone may destroy overnight...
build anyway


If you find serenity and happiness, people may be jealous...
be happy anyway


The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow...
do good anyway


Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough...
give the world the best you have anyway


You see, in the final analysis, it's all between you and God...
it was never between you and them anyway

Have a Merry

I have no idea what kind of time I am going to have now so I'd like to wish everyone a very Merry Christmas and Hannukah and Kwanza and Boxing Day and.....

I don't have very good luck with cards ie remembering to send them or even write them. In the past, I've always felt the need to write a personal note in all my cards. Then I saw this episode on "Everybody Loves Raymond" where the gang was sitting around feeling all down about some of the Christmas letters they got. You know the ones I'm sure. The ones that go like this:

Hi Everyone,
The past year has been a great one for the BLAH BLAH clan. Our son got a 100% full scholarship to Harvard Law School. He's going to be the next Johnny Cochran I'm sure. We are so proud! My husband got a wonderful promotion so now we have finally been able to realize our dream of owning our own Swiss Chalet! Our daughter has announced her planned nuptials to the son of none other than DONALD TRUMP! OH MY! We can scarcely believe it. We have all had such great health and we are so blessed! May this season bring you wonderful blessings!

Love the Blah Blah family!

OH BARF! We have all gotten letters like that. OK seriously, you want to gag right? Especially when your year has been like MINE.

My Christmas letter:
Dear Friends and Family,
This year has really SUCKED! It started out with mass layoffs for my company. Somehow I was spared which I suppose is lucky on my part but, due to horrible mismanagement, I spent 12 hours a day in front of my computer, haven't taken a vacation since 2002 and have noticed my hair turning a nice shade of gray. I was sick all last winter with the stress, physically and emotionally. I've dealt with $2000 in car repairs, a broken furnace in the winter, a broken AC in the summer, a broken, washer, dishwasher, computer, vacuum and dryer. Then to really add insult to injury, we needed to raise the well at the cabin to the tune of $2500. We put our cat to sleep over the summer much to the devastation of the kids. After all these repairs, I've lived with $2 in my checking account for a week and my credit card magnetic strips are all totally worn out. Then to REALLY add insult to injury, the DNA donor to Emily who cheated on me with the bosses daughter and left me alone and pregnant is taking ME to court. Isn't that a hoot? It's been so much fun, I can hardly stand it. August brought the return of another blight. Kyle called out of nowhere and threatened to take me to court too if I didn't let him see his children. Well, he can just take a number! So, here I sit...Christmas is bought but not paid for. I'm in debt up to my eyeballs and just got slapped with a $3000 lawyer bill. But folks...I AM BLESSED!! BLESSED! DAMMIT! Have a rockin Christmas..I'm sure I made you all feel better with this letter. At least you know someone elses life is shittier than yours.

Peace,
Kathy

At the end of the Everyone Loves Raymond episode, Deborah, Ray, Frank and Marie were all sitting there laughing at everyones life is wonderful letters and happily tossing them into the fire. Frame mine..you may need it when you're feeling really low on life.

Now, from the bottom of my heart, I hope your holidays are wonderful. I hope that next year is better for all of us. That we all are blessed with good health. That your house isn't falling apart, your children mind you, your job rocks and your bad mistakes don't take you court.

Love to all of you and the party is at my house New Years Eve!

Whoa!

I woke up this morning and looked around the house. WHOA! IS IT A PIT TODAY! I'll have to get my little slaves working and crack that whip. I got a brand new vac!! WOOHOOO...THE HIGHLIGHT OF MY WEEK IS A NEW APPLIANCE!! What a life! But it's not any vac. It's a "Household cleaning system." I can massage my scalp with this thing too. NO LIE..it comes with a massager! It comes with an attachment for EVERYTHING, crevices, mattresses, hard wood floors, molding, ceiling fan blades, upholstery. It even de-fleas your cat if you want! It's so complicated, you have to watch a video to learn how to work it. Nope! Can't just press a button and vacuum. You have to adjust the suction for your carpet and decide if you want it on manual or drive. I've kinda hard luck with the vac's lately as I have with just about all my household appliances. I bought a supper deeee duper vac via an EBAY wholesaler but had not yet received it. SO, I'd been using my grandmothers Panasonic. Well last week, the Panasonic bit the dust or spit the dust, whichever you prefer. It started acting like a Munster vac and after pulling it apart and not finding any reason why, we had a Panasonic funeral. Of course, that left us without a vacuum cleaner and we really needed one. So Joe and I went halfsies on a temporary until the "Household cleaning system" arrived via brownshirted santa. He came back with a Dirt Devil cannister vac where you could actually SEE the dirt it was pulling up from the carpet. How profoundly COOL! It was like watching laundry spin. LOOK AT ALL THAT MUCK!!! WHOA! Check out the cat hair!! Joe did the first ceremonial dumping of the cannister in the garbage and all was good until Kristopher wanted to vacuum his room and see how much dirt he could suck up out of his carpet. Not more than one hour after buying a new "temporary" vac, a burning rubber smell wafted from Kris's room. I heard the vac go off and I went running towards the boys room. WHAT HAPPENED???? Kris was bent over the vac trying to unwedge something from the power head. My little Einstein vacuumed the power cord and it got stuck in the power head and he broke the rubber casing around the cord and it was burning and I yelled at him for being a huge dufus and not watching what he was doing and a scene ensued and Joe yelled at him and Kris spent the night pouting and telling us it wasn't his fault. The power cord must have tried to sabotage the vac. Now I have issues. Should I let him touch the new machine which cost me more than I care to admit? The thing is supposedly built like a tank but can it withstand the most destructive force since Hurricane Katrina????

In other news, the band concert was fabulous. The band and Orchestra sounded great! The kids did a combo Christmas/Hannukah/Kwanza deal of course. Just wondering, has anyone ever met one person that celebrates Kwanza?? Cassie got a good grade on her Saturn paper after the corrections of course. And work was just as annoying as ever! I have 3 whole days off next week and I just can't wait! Even though it will be spent here getting things ready for Christmas , the new C word. Any day away from AT&T is a day in bliss! I was looking on my favorite recipe site for a nice and easy Shrimp dish for our festivities and creating my shopping list. I have ONE MORE PRESENT TO BUY and I am done!

My pit awaits me! I wish myself good Vac Karma!

Tuesday Ramblings

Soo...how much bubble wrap have you popped? Remember Therapy is expensive. Bubble wrap is the cheap way to reduce your holiday stress. It's 2 weeks to Christmas and I have yelled at Emmie 1000 times to get out of the Christmas Tree, dodges 1000's of charity calls, spent my last dime and am still not done yet, have not baked a single cookie and have just decided that sometimes this season is a HO HO HEMMOROID! Not to mention that LIFE has dumped an attorney bill on me and I still need a new washer/dryer/vacuum/garage door. I LOVE IT! BRING IT ON. The funny farm is definitely where I'd rather stay. I get allergic smelling hard cold reality.

I was told to create a huge order for a client which I spent 2 hours on. Then this morning, I was told that the account codes they gave me are wrong and I need to withdraw them. THEN I got 10 emails about how the order needed to be submitted by 5pm BUT, they hadn't created the correct account codes yet. Then they created the account codes and I was told to re create the huge order. As I was going to submit it, I was told not to because the client was waffling about whether they wanted to spend this amount of money before the new year. Then an hour later, they told me to go ahead. I deal with that on a daily basis. And they say WOMEN can't make up their minds. Do you want me to order this or not??? I am being told we will have a nice bonus this year and we rightfully deserve it. AT&T is like a schizophrenic parent.

My son's HOLIDAY band concert is tonight. He goes to Public school so we can't say Christmas. Actually, I'm not 100% sure they will play any Christmas songs. As the PC world progresses, we hear more stupid songs about snowmen coming to life or melting, Rudolf's nose, Santa, and snow. So we shall see what this concert brings.

Cass had to write a paper on Saturn. I am presenting to you some of the sentences she wrote in her report before the editing.

"Saturn is interesting because it has many facts."

"From what I know, there is 31 moons, Mimas, Enceladus, Tethys, Dione, Rhea, Titan, Hyperion, Pan and Atlas and a lot more. If you know them, tell me."

"You know Saturn is the 6th planet because of the sentence "My Very Excellent Mother Just Served Us Nine Pizzas." (I'm sure that's how Galileo remembered it I'm sure)

That's all folks. Have a sane night.

Something from my inbox

I'm posting this because I remember a recent dinner discussion with my kids about this very subject. Summer comes. Summer goes. Where I used to be outside, my children are inside playing SIMS. They are always bored. Back in the old neighborhood, I taught the children how to play Ghost in the Graveyard. Can you believe not ONE child had ever played it or even heard of it???? What happened to Mother May I? Kick the Can? Tag? StatueMaker? Simon Says? Gone the way of the Dodo...How things have changed. And we as a society blame McDonald's for childhood obesity. Watching my own kids, I can tell you, it's not McDonalds. IT's SIMS. IT's Star Wars Battlefront, Instant messenger, email, internet games, and 007 James Bond. IT's a lack of imagination. I remember being outside playing with my friends from around noon to dinner time and then went out again. My friends and I chased Lightning bugs. We played tag. We rode bikes. explored a corn field that was down the block (which is now an apartment complex and sofball field), caught tadpoles, built Motocross trails in open fields for our bikes, climbed trees, played barbies in the garage, played in the sandbox, ran through the sprinkler because only one person in the whole neighborhood even had a pool, played on the swingset and rode bikes to the 7-11 for a Coca Cola Slurpee. My mom usually kicked me out after lunch and I can honestly say, I rarely watched TV indoors in the Summer. Of course I WANTED to but my first neighborhood was loaded with kids and my best friend and I across the street rarely spent time inside. It didn't take long before I would forget about cartoons on Channel 32. So Kris, Cass Joe and I talked over dinner about what it was like to be a kid in the 70's and 80's. And below, in nicer words of course, is what was said. Enjoy!

Subject: Over 30 reality....
IF you are 30 or older you will think this is hilarious!!!!

When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious
diatribes about how hard things were when they were growing up; what
with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning ... uphill -
BOTH ways.

yadda, yadda, yadda And I remember promising myself that when I grew
up, there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like
that on kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it!
But now that...
I'm over the ripe old age of thirty, I can't help but look around and
notice the youth of today. You've got it so easy! I mean, compared
to my childhood, you live in a damn Utopia! And I hate to say it but
you kids today... you don't know how good you've got it! I mean, when
I was a kid we didn't have The Internet. If we wanted to know
something, we had to go to the damn library and look it up ourselves,
in the card catalog!! There was no email! We had to actually write
somebody a letter ... with a pen! Then you had to walk all the way
across the street and put it in the mailbox and it would take like a
week to get there!
There were no MP3's or Napsters! You wanted to steal music, you had
to hitchhike to the damn record store and shoplift it yourself! Or
you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ'd
usually talk over the beginning and @#*% it all up! And talk of about
hardship? You couldn't just download porn! You had to steal it from
your brother or bribe some homeless dude to buy you a copy of
"Hustler" at the 7-11! Those were your options! We didn't have fancy
crap like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else
called they got a busy signal, that's it! And we didn't have fancy
Caller ID Boxes either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it
was! It could be your school, your mom, your boss, your
bookie, your drug dealer, a collections agent, you just didn't know!!!
You
had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!
We didn't have any fancy Sony Playstation video games with
high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like
"Space Invaders" and "asteroids" and the graphics sucked ass! Your guy
was a little square!

You actually had to use your imagination! And there were no multiple
levels or screens, it was just one screen forever! And you could
never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster
and faster until you
died! ... Just like LIFE!
When you went to the movie theater there was no such thing as stadium
seating!
All the seats were the same height! If a tall guy or some old broad
with a
hat sat in front of you and you couldn't see, you were just screwed!
Sure, we had cable television, but back then that was only like 15
channels and there was no onscreen menu and no remote control! You
had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on!
You were screwed when it came to channel surfing! You had to get off
your ass and walk over to the TV to change the channel and there was
no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday
Morning. Do you hear what I'm saying!?! We had to wait ALL WEEK for
cartoons, you spoiled little rat-bastards! And we didn't have
microwaves, if we wanted to heat something up, we had to use the stove
or go build a frigging fire ...Imagine that! If we wanted popcorn, we
had to use that stupid Jiffy Pop thing and shake it over the stove
forever like an idiot. That's exactly what I'm talking about! You
kids today have got it too easy. You're spoiled.

You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1980!
Regards,

-The over 30 Something crowd!

Merry Christmas Dammit

GAH! More snow. It's supposed to snow all weekend. What fun! Going out and scraping my car is such a joy. I can't believe how quickly Christmas is coming up. IS anyone done shopping? It's been such a busy few weeks, I can't even find time to do ONLINE shopping. I brought the kids to get their portraits taken. It's always a good time especially when your precocious toddler won't sit for the portraits, kicks, screams and causes a ruckus. But, it all came out well in the end. Once she realized that people applauded her when she sat still, I couldn't get her out of there. She was posing like a model after awhile. Last weekend saw Cassie's 11th birthday on top of it all. We had a nice weekend planned for her which included theater tickets to see Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat and of course, it was snowing. Any good Chicagoan knows that when it snows, people drive reallllllyyyy slooooowwwwwww. We sat in stop and go traffic all the way to the city. Stupid snow! The show was fun though. Darn music has been going through my head allllllll week. To top it all off, the restaurant we chose lost their liquor license. What's Italian food without a nice glass of Merlot?????? Ah well..a good time was had by all...I think. Thursday, I went to Cassie's "Holiday" play. It's OK to say Happy Kwanza and Happy Hannukah but Merry Christmas is just not acceptable in Chicago these days. So, Cassie's play was cute and oh so politically correct. Now seriously, her play covered the history of Kwanza and the miracle of the oil that gave birth to the celebration of Hannukah, why couldn't they mention that Christmas is...dare I say it...a celebration of the birth of..here goes.. JESUS! OH MY! I SAID IT! THE J WORD! TABOOOOOOOOO!!!! So sick of this I am.. Every Christmas around here it's the same garbage. No one can mention Christmas. No one can talk about anything except Santa Claus, that non denominational, holiday figure. I understand mulitculturalism but I have never been offended by anyone talking about Ramadan, Hannukah, Kwanza, Siva, Vishnu or the Buddha in my presence. It certainly didn't make me feel excluded. Nor was I going to run to the nearest Temple or Mosque and switch Religions. I am Catholic. Born Catholic. Raised Catholic and no matter what anyone says, I have never been able to stop being Catholic. Seeing a dreidle or Menorrah sure isn't going to change it either. (If I spelled those wrong, I am sorry) Nor I have never known one Jewish, Islamic, Buddhist, etc. friend of mine to be offended at the mention of Christmas or a Christian friend to be offended by Hannukah. So I would like to know, WHO IS COMPLAINING? AND GET OVER YOURSELVES!!!!!!! End of rant. MERRY CHRISTMAS! Back to the play. It was politically correct. THe hightlight was when someones kid brother jumped the kid playing Santa Claus and gave him a punch in the belly. HEE HEE... An embarrassed parent did try to restrain the child to no avail. I missed getting it on video because I was focusing the camera on Cassie as if anyone wanted to see her anyway. :) Well that is all for now. I have to scrape my car, then move it off the street before the dang snowplow comes.

A Wisconsin/Arizona Snow Diary

This seemed appropriate as it is snowing outside and our first significant snowfall of the year. In looking for another tidbit online today, I came across this. I thought I'd kill two birds with one stone: the cold birds up here in the Midwest and the Snowbirds down there in the bowels of Hell..I mean Arizona.

Diary Of Wisconsin & Arizona

Dear Diary:

August 2: Moved to our new home in Wisconsin. It is so beautiful here. The forests are so serene and picturesque. Can hardly wait to see them all covered with snow. God's Country. I love it here!

October 14: Wisconsin is the most beautiful place on Earth. The leaves are turning and beginning to color. I love the bright shades of red and orange. Went for a ride through a beautiful forest and spotted some deer. They are so graceful. They are certainly the most peaceful animals on earth. This must be paradise!

November 11: Deer Season will start soon. I can't imagine anyone wanting to kill such an elegant creature. The very symbol of peace and tranquillity. Hope it will snow soon. I really love it here!

December 2: It finally snowed last night. Woke up to find everything blanketed in white. It looks just like a postcard. We went outside and cleared the snow off the steps and shoveled the driveway. We had a snowball fight (I won) and when the snow plow came by, we had to shovel the driveway again. What a beautiful place. Mother Nature in perfect harmony. I love Wisconsin.

December 12: More snow last night. I love it. The snow-plow did his trick again (that rascal). A winter wonderland, but pretty cold!

December 19: More snow last night. Couldn't even get out of the driveway to get to work this time. I'm exhausted from shoveling this stuff. Darn that old snow-plow!

December 22: More of that white shit fell last night. I've got blisters from shoveling this crap. I think the snow plow man hides around the curve and waits until I'm done shoveling the damn driveway, then he plows the fucking street, the Asshole!

December 25: "White Christmas" my busted ass! More fucking snow. If I ever get my hands on the son-of-a-bitch who drives that snowplow, I swear I will castrate the stupid bastard. Why don't they use more salt on the roads to melt all this ice.

December 28: Guess what? More white shit fell last night. Been inside since Christmas fucking day except for shoveling out the driveway every time the "Snow Plow from Hell" comes by. Can't go anywhere, the car's buried in a mountain of frozen white shit. The weatherman says to expect another 10" tonight. Do you know how many shovels- full of white shit 10" is?

January 1: Happy Fucking New Year! The weatherman was wrong. We got 34" of the white shit this time. At this rate, it won't melt until the 4th of July. The snow plow got stuck up the road and the shithead driver had the balls to come to the door and ask to borrow my shovel. I told him I'd already broken 6 shovels digging out from under all the white shit he pushes back into my driveway and broke my last shovel over his God damned head.

January 4: Finally got out of the house today. Went to the store to get food. On the way back a God damned deer ran in front of the car and I hit the fucker. Did about $3000 damage to the car. Those worthless deer shit-dropping road hazards should be exterminated. Wish the fucking hunters had killed them all last November.

May 3: Took the new car to the garage in town. Would you believe the body is rusting out from all that fucking salt they dumped on the roads all winter. My car looks like a piece of shit!

July 1: Moved to Arizona! I can't imagine why anyone on their right mind would ever move to that God Forsaken State of Wisconsin.

July 2: Saw a wonderful sunset this evening. I now understand "Purple Mountains Majesty". Why do people live anywhere but here?

July 3: A lightning storm came last night. The sky was all lit. It was truly awesome! This morning the sky is "transparent". I can see into Mexico. Arizona is a phenomenal state!

July 4: Now this is a state that knows how to live. Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. Mountains and desert blended together, what a place. Watched the fireworks at the park laying out on a blanket. It was glorious! I've finally found my home.

July 5: Really heating up, got to 100 today, not a problem, live in an air conditioned home and drive an air conditioned car. Life's full of tradeoffs. What a pleasure to see the sun everyday like this. I'm turning into a real sun worshipper.

July 7: Had the back yard landscaped with western plants today. Lots of cactus and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing for me. Another scorcher today but I love it here.

July 10: The temperature has not been below 100 all week. How do people get used to this kind of heat. At least it's a dry heat. Getting used to it is taking a little longer than I expected.

July 15: Fell asleep at poolside, got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body. Missed two days work. What a dumb thing to do. I've learned my lesson! I really respect the old Sun in a climate like this.

July 20: I missed Tabby our cat sneaking into the car when I left this morning. By the time I got out to the hot car for lunch, Tabby had swollen to the size of a shopping bag and exploded over $2000 worth of leather upholstery. I told the kids she ran away. The car now smells like kibbles and shit. No more pets in this heat.

July 25: Dry Fucking Heat my Ass. Hot is hot! I'd be cooler living in my oven. The home air conditioner is on the fritz and the AC repairman wants $200 just to drive by and tell me he needs to order parts.

July 30: Been sleeping outside by the pool for three nights now. $1100 fucking dollar house payment and we can't even go inside. Why did I ever come here?

August 4: 117 degrees. Finally got the air conditioner fixed today. It cost $500 and can only cool the house down to 90. Stupid ass Mexican repairman pissed in my pool. I hate this fucking state.

August 8: If another shithead cracks, "Hot enough for ya today", I'm going to tear his fucking throat out. Arizona is hot! By the time I get to work, the radiator is boiling over, my clothes are dripping wet with sweat and I smell like roasted fucking Garfield.

August 10: The weather report might as well be a recording. Hot and sunny. It's been too hot to fuck for 2 stinking months. And the weatherman says it might really warm up this weekend. Doesn't it ever rain in the barren damn desert!

August 19: Welcome to Hell! Temperature got to 128 degrees today. Forgot to crack a window and blew the fucking windshield out of the Lincoln. The Mexican installer came to fix it, and said, "Hot enough for ya today." My wife had to spend the stinking $1100 house payment to bail me out of jail.

August 30: Hottest day of the God damn summer. I'm not even leaving the house. Water rationing has been in effect all summer so the $1700 worth of my "low maintenance" cactus in the yard just dried up and blew into the fucking pool Even a cactus can't live in this heat! I can't cool off in the pool now! The pool is full of fucking needles and every fucking time I fucking attempt to clean the fucking cactus needles out of the fucking pool filter I shred my fucking hands.
That does it, we're moving back to Wisconsin in time for deer season!

Don't hit Santa!

Elf Snowball Fight

Here's a little thing to do while you blow off your work as I am doing at this moment.. but JUST for a moment.

Merry Christmas

Wouldn't you like to do this to someone?

Snow Globe
I have been so busy! Hope you're surviving the cold and this Christmas season. It's a frigid -3 degrees here in the Chicago area. BRRRRR.