We must do it for the children...

I was just listening to the news 5 minutes ago and just had to comment on this absolutely, frickingly, unbelievably ridiculous new ban that Cook County is proposing.
***SOAPBOX WARNING***

Ya'all weren't with me on my blatant opposition to the smoking ban. But, you all said, "SMOKING IS SO BAD FOR YOU and your smoke *cough cough* is making me sick! We could all DIIIIIEEEE" I would like to clarify that I am an EX smoker nor am I PRO cigarette. I would prefer that my children not make the choice to smoke someday but if if toking a smoke is the worst thing they ever do, I will consider myself a successful parent. I told ya'all that if you allow the ban and high taxation of cigarettes, sooner or later the government will ban something YOU like. We don't want to open that box, I said, business owners in America should have the choice as to how they want to run their own business. We, as Americans, should have the choice whether we want to patronize that business or go elsewhere. Is that not Capitalism? As a volunteer for the American Cancer Society, I took issue with them when they spouted that employees have no choice. Pardon me but they do. Thank you Mr. Big Brother ACS and Government but as a former Restaurant Manager, I can tell you that 80% of service industry workers smoke and do worse. I can also tell you that on every city block, there is a food establishment of some kind. Turnover is high in the service industry. Those people are finding work somewhere. Do we really need the government to take control of those choices? Do we want the Government telling us how to live? Apparently those of you in my state said, YES. PLEASE MR. GOVERNMENT! SAVE US FROM OURSELVES! WE'RE OBVIOUSLY TOO DUMB! So folks, thanks to you we now have a proposed BOTTLED WATER BAN!!! Cook County is thinking about banning the sale of bottled water. Not only are they banning it, they are admonishing anyone who buys it calling them perpetrators of Global Warming and dental caries (No flouride in BOTTLED water) and FOR THE CHILDREN (God, I hate that phrase) we must STOP this travesty before it's too late and all your kids drown in a pool of salt water with the polar bears and have bad teeth.

I am seething at this. Of all things, bottled water has now entered the axis of evil along with the smokes, the beer and the cigars. Shame on you all for buying such an evil product. SHAME SHAME SHAME You should all hang your heads for what you have done to America's children. Now, all you evil bottled water drinkers are killing us all too. How does that feel? I can't wait to see the coroners report and hear the statistics of how many people are dying from Second Hand Bottled Water! But we must do this for the children folks. We must squelch your right to free speech with PC rules. We must curb your terrible smoking, water drinking, McDonald's eating ways. We must make sure there are no trans fats in your fries because we all know evil restaurant establishments make you eat the bad food. We must do this all because our children are SUFFERING!! YES..THERE THEY ARE. America's children are suffering and we need to put freedom and our parenting in a box and let the Government raise our children for us. Let me make a prediction that in the coming years, if you all don't speak up, that there will be more bans on twinkies, gum (bad for teeth..global warming..blah blah blah), extraordinary taxes on any food not considered "healthy", limitations on speech, limitations on how a parent can discipline a child, neighbor tattling on neighbor, more ridiculous lawsuits and censorship.

For anyone that hasn't read Orwell's "1984", I urge you to. Newspeak, Big Brother, Children telling authorities on their parents, we see examples of this every day in the news. Al Sharpton wanting to make using the "N" word a hate crime, a child that was asked pointed questions about her parents including details on how much they drink and their system of discipline then had the DCFS called on them as a result, socialized medicine, the banning of the Chief at the U of I, a lawsuit filed by a neighbor against a man in CA for smoking in his own backyard and she smelled it (HORRORS!), carseats until your children are 80lbs, seatbelt laws.. It's wrong. People, I have a really good idea. Mind your own business. If you don't want to be in a smokey bar, go to the one that doesn't allow it. If you don't want to eat a Big Mac, don't go to McD's but don't impose how you live on others because chances are, someone in Govt thinks you're wrong too. Before anyone gets all rattled, I'm not speaking of murder, child abuse and dire circumstances. I'm talking about your right to live your life and manage it on your own with your own, good or bad choices. Mistakes are how we learn. Autonomy as a human being is important to your emotional health.

In the meantime, I think you can make tons of money buying and redistributing cigarettes from Russia, importing bottled water from across county lines and having your own tobacco plants. What do you think?

******END OF SOAPBOX******

Just wait until next year!

Reflections on Cub Fandom

So, it's Friday night and I'm baking Chocolate Chip cookies for Band Boosters. They are fundraising for a trip to FL to play at the Outback Bowl and I couldn't say no even though I hate baking. It's messy, labor intensive and the baked goods last about 5 minutes on a good day in this place before they're devoured.

Last night, I watched a bit of the Cubs game. Why I put myself through such self abuse, I really don't know. I'm a long time Cubs fan. The first time I sat through a game and made a conscious effort to pay attention, I was about 12. Hermann Franks was manager. Jack "Hey Hey" Brickhouse was announcer. Oddly enough, the first baseball game I ever attended was at Comiskey: The Sox vs Someone or other. I was 6 and couldn't tell Home Plate from a Home Run. I was also bored .... to.... tears and asked question upon question throughout the whole game. If I wasn't about 6 years old, I'm sure the guy and his son sitting in front of us, would have made me a permanent part of the infield. I remember a grand slam during that game which didn't faze me an iota. I was so ready to go home. So, after that game, I left thinking baseball was well, BORING and had no interest in it until puberty when I noticed that the men looked pretty darn good in those tight pants. Yes, embarrassing to say, I started watching baseball because I had a crush on the Cubs second baseman and no it wasn't Ryno at the time. I started watching every chance I got and then the unthinkable happened! The Cubs traded my second baseman to, of all teams, the White Sox. My dad came home laughed at me and said, who is your team now? I said, GO CUBBIES!! I was hooked as a Cub fan. If adolescent hormones couldn't break that bond, nothing could. Here I am 20 some years later, still going through that agony.

I am no fair weather fan. When I was watching, Bobby Bonds was playing first base. Some guy named Junior Kennedy was at Short and some handlebar mustached dude with about a 10. ERA, named Dick Tidrow, may have been their best pitcher. They had no pitching. They had no fielding and they had no fans. My mother took us on Tuesdays, Ladies Day. We paid about 5 bucks to sit in the grandstand and usually that 5 bucks bought us our own section. There were a few people in the bleachers and a few in the box seats behind Home Plate. The camera men were so skilled at finding pockets of people that you would think Wrigley was jammed with people. There was no one. We moved up to the $$ seats (15 dollars) and no one said a word.

It was pretty much par for the course that the Cubs were going to lose. We celebrated every victory and if they lost, well it was the Cubs. It was what we as fans came to expect. It was comfortable like an old shoe, an old shoe with holes in it maybe but an old shoe nonetheless. Our world series consisted of fighting the Mets to stay out of the basement position. .333 win average for the year was par for the course. .500 was UNTHINKABLE. We dreamed about being in contention. We never expected it would ever happen. I related to my Cubs as I went through teen years. I guess they reminded me of me, struggling along, the underdog, lots of angst, a loser. Then there was 1984 and my Cubs were never the same again. All of the sudden, Cubs fans came out of closets, basements, ceilings and Comiskey field. I watched them clinch the Division against the Pittsburg Pirates and it was the most exciting part of my Senior Year. I was revved. This was going to be THE YEAR! IT had been ages. I listed to the story about the goat and the jinx and the gypsy curse. I looked forward to the playoffs. CLeared the family TV so I could watch. Who would have thunk the Gypsy curse would have been Steve Garvey? The Cubs were clobbered. I was heart broken. Then there was 1989. It would be different. They were going to do it this time!! They were clobbered. I was heartbroken again. I lost track of my Cubs for a time, a long time. Tickets that were oh so plentiful in the early 80's were hard to come by. I didn't really have time to watch the games but kept an ear to the news to see how they were doing. Then there was 2003. I decided to risk it. I watched the playoffs. The Cubs were leading 3-1. 3-1!! Odds were on our side. We were going to WIN THAT SERIES and this was going to be OUR YEAR! FINALLY! But as soon as I started thinking that, I caught myself. These are the Cubs we're talking about and memories of 84 and 89 ran through my brain. I saw Moses Alou go for that ball. I saw the Shortstop in that game baubble something routine. I saw my old Cubs right there. The team I knew and loved once again playing in such a way that my sons Little League team may have beaten them. And Bartman, poor Bartman was the new goat so I guess now we can say we let a Goat into Wrigley after all. And I was heartbroken again.

So, here it is 2007. The Cubs won their Division and failed to show up to the playoffs since they are now 0-2. Can they pull it off and win 3 straight at Wrigley? Odds are no and I don't even dare hope. There's a part of me that wishes that it will all go back to the way it was in the 70's and 80's. My team was a loser but I could count on that. Victories were surprises and losses were expected. It was safe. It's often said that a person who is abused everyday is psychologically better off than a person who is abused some days. Why? because the person who is abused everyday, knows what to expect and when to expect it. Am I saying being a Cubs fan these days is like being an abused child? In a way, yes! Battered and beaten, we eat a ton of crow. Since 1984, my Cubs aren't my Cubs anymore. But I'll watch this weekend while I practice saying "Wait until next year!"

The more things change...the more they stay the same.

So, it's Monday. I set my alarm for 6:30 and staggered out of bed at 8:20am. So much for the best laid plans. I hit the coffee pot on the way to the work laptop and sat and stared at the computer screen for a few minutes before attempting to logon and then sat and watched all the email sitting on the server slowly start to download. Chase this. Find that. Where's this. The usual. Four years of doing this job, Four years of dealing with Cisco systems. Four years of living with Murphy and his gosh darn laws in every crevice of this God forsaken corporation. It's all the same. How depressing! Cass and Kris were off to school. Em was still in bed. THANK GOD! I just can't deal with her so early in the morning. Now that she has developed this fascination for everything computer oriented or at least whatever is on the My Little Pony website, she's always pounding on my keyboard, grabbing my mouse, and yanking cables. She sent three IM's last week that said "YYYYYYYYYYYyyJK:FJoiuFP" Actually, maybe I did write that. Sometimes, I don't type very well BC (Before Coffee) but I digress. Nothing really funny happened today either. All of it was...well pretty darn annoying, starting with a 2 hour conference call and ending with a lovely email from one of my son's teachers that said

"If you have received this message, your son/daughter was not prepared to begin class today, either by not having the literature book or not being on task after class began.

Students who do not have materials to participate in class will miss out on the class lesson.

Thanks,
Mrs. Kris's English Teacher "

GAH!!

I did have to arrange a meeting with another of Kris's teachers because my son is getting a D+, yes...a D+!! in one of his classes and a C+ in BAND!!! For the love of pete, all he has to do is show up to Band and he gets an A! So, here's the story: A couple weeks ago, Kris informed me on Sept 13th that the band was to appear at an NIU football game on the 15th. Well that just didn't work out. He had to be at the high school at 5:30am. I had an open house at the University I'm applying to, guests in town, tickets for an event and no one to pick him up from school at 7:30 in the evening. That's OK mom, he said, just write a note explaining that we already have plans for the day which he had me write at 5:30AM the following morning. So, guess what my little Einstein DIDN'T turn in to the teacher. Yes, that's right! That 5:30am note is still sitting in his notebook and Kris gets a big 0 for the gig. Double GAH!! Kicked him in the ass for that one and of course get a ton of static about how none of it is HIS fault. Now, I would love to hear how it isn't his fault because I really need a laugh today. But, I shut him up before he stuck his Reebok in his teenage mouth. He huffed downstairs where Cassie was playing PS2 and for the first time in his life was too pissed at me to hound her. An hour later he comes upstairs and asks me if he can go to his buddy's house for an hour which I ok'd as long as he practiced trumpet and studied for quiz after dinner. Off to work I go, and at 5:10, right as I'm about to leave to get Em from daycare, I get am IM from coworker and from a vendor which I told him I'd have to take on my cell on the way to get the baby. At that very moment, Cassie, sweet innocent Cassie, comes trouncing upstairs wanting to leave to go on a bike ride to nowhere in particular. No, I say. I'm about to leave. I don't want you riding around the neighborhood while I'm gone. WELL YOU LET KRIS LEAVE!! IT'S NOT FAIR!! I DIDN'T GET TO DO ANYTHING YESTERDAY (her fault but another story)!! As, I was running out the door because I was late to get the baby, had no idea what to make for dinner and needed to call a vendor back on an expedite, Cassie was screaming at me and then threw a pen at the door when I left which I reamed her for. If I hadn't have been in a hurry, she'd have a permanent shoe print her butt right now. She lucked out. Nevertheless, while I was on the phone with the vendor, Cass called seven, yes SEVEN TIMES and left 3 messages about how unfair it was.. TRIPLE GAH!!!

So now it's after dinner. THe kitchen is still a mess. The dishwasher is still not emptied out. My son hasn't practiced trumpet OR studied for his quiz. The baby got blue popsicle all over everything. Cassie has given me grief because I wouldn't let her open a cheesecake thingy I bought. The baby needs a bath. I need to study words for the GRE and it's the end of the day and don't feel like it. I wish in my next life I come back as a spoiled housecat. Molly is sitting here, not a care in the world.

I hear screaming. Time to go before the blood flows.

Oh wow...over a year

Hmm...last post Jan 2006. It was snowing. OK so it's been awhile and I totally forgot I had a blog out there in cyberspace with all my mishaps and daily annoyances with my three insane kids. So since the last time I was here, the Cubs won the World Series! HA HA HA HA... OK, that is totally not true but they did just win the Division Friday. GO CUBS!! I haven't seen Hell freeze over yet but who knows, Winter is just around the corner and so is a possibly Cubs-less World Series. "Just wait until next year" that's my creedo. That's my policy! For all you young Cubs fans out there who are whining about the lack of participation on the Cubs part in the last oh lets say 100 World Series, I have one thing to say. SHUT UP! You haven't paid your dues. You haven't said enough "DOH's" and you haven't eaten enough crow. You haven't had enough heckling from all the Oh so smug, South Side fan brigade just yet. Therefore, I will kindly ask ya'all to stuff it. End of soapbox, old time Cub fan, rant!

Too much out happened to catch everyone up on why the long absence. We'll just say there was an interruption in my life and everything changed and I'm still trying to get used to it. That said, I turned 40 yesterday. They say it's a milestone, well at least AT&T did when they congratulated me on my milestone birthday and then added an "Oh by the way, we're raising the cost of your life insurance policy. You'll see the added deduction on your next paycheck." Thanks Guys! Got such a warm fuzzy from that. AT&T and it's death star logo *sigh* just melts my heart with their caring. And thanks to my brother and sister, outside was a nice sign announcing my midlife blues to my friends and neighbors along with 30 wooden beer stein thingys. But, the neighbors had a laugh and laughs are worth a fortune. Now, I am debating how I should show my midlife crisis to the world. I'm too broke for a Porche and a 22 year old. Perhaps a haircut and a bottle of hair dye would do just fine. So, here's to a new decade! If anyone wants to donate the Porche and the 22 year old, I'll take it!

It snowed last night. It snowed A LOT. It's thick and heavy and sitting in clumps on the tree branches. It's 8am and my neighbor, Dan is already out there with the snow blower. That is so amazing. I have just barely gotten out of bed, have not finished my first cup of coffee and am just sitting here in a daze. Emily had a morning tantrum. I hate those! She has a snit about God knows what at least 3 mornings a week. The conclusion: She is not a morning person. Kris looked a little ticked when he woke up, shot Em a look and went downstairs. Cass spent the night at Angela's so we had a nice and quiet evening without a drama about who ate the Ho Ho's and drank the last juice box. Watched the snow as it came down, first as sleet, then as slush, then as these huge flakes. Every now and then, we saw a flash of lightning and heard some thunder. Pretty dramatic and it was so nasty out on the roads, Joe gave up an evening at a bar and stayed home and drank beer instead.

It's been a calmer week at work so I have started on New Years Resolution number 2: Prepare for CCNA exam and hopefully take the darn thing at the end of the year. For those who don't know, CCNA stands for Cisco Certified Network Administrator. I know that there isn't much need for that certification in purchasing but I am hoping to move into Technical Project Management someday and it will be helpful. BUT, the material is challenging and the exam is difficult. When looking for ways to practice, I did find a few online services that for $2000 will take the exam and pass it for me. HA HA! Where there's a will, there's a f'n way. God Bless America and NO, I DIDN'T CONSIDER THAT AS AN OPTION FOR A SECOND! I want the victory of passing this thing all on my own!

Tonight, I am going to see my friends band. He plays Classic Rock in a nice little smokey bar in Aurora. THE BEST! I haven't smoked in ages but I do it vicariously through everyone else. I still miss it but can't bring myself to buy a pack. The worst I've done is snuck a drag off my bowling teammates cigarrette but left it at that: A DRAG.

On todays agenda: Laundry, cleaning, Kristophers carpet. I have a snazzy new carpet shampooer. Band and beer and vicarious cigarettes later.

Kris had a band concert tonight. Emily has a shelf life of about 30 minutes and then lets us all know that she is done sitting and wants out of her chair. So, after chasing after her in the hallway of Conant High School, I am tired. I hope she grows out of this some day and works her way up to a shelf life of 60 minutes so I can actually sit and enjoy something without chasing, shushing, and dodging those..."CAN'T YOU CONTROL YOUR CHILD?" stares. You just cannot reason with a child. Logic and accountability are two traits you will never see in a kid. So, I lay down the law, set the boundaries and hope they learn something. It's just tiring!
I'm going to bed!

New Year's Resolution 2006....

Someone will always be smarter. Their house will be bigger. They will
drive a better car. Their children will do better in school. And their
partners will fix more things around the house. So, let it all go and love
you and your circumstances. Think about it. The prettiest woman in the
world can have a troubled heart. And the most favored woman on your job >may
be unable to have children. The richest woman you know -- she's got the
car, the house the clothes --might be very lonely. So, love you. Love who
you are right now. Tell yourself, "I am too blessed to be stressed."

I think finally...

we have the bodily fluid problem under control but it all came to a head for awhile there. Diharrea to the left of me, puke to the right and here I am stuck in the middle. Emily managed to cause of wave of digestive problems to everyone she came in contact with for two days and the virus finally left her but not without a grand finale. Saturday morning bright and early, shortly after finishing coffee and fortunately before breakfast, Emily blew out her diaper but it was the granddaddy of all diaper blowouts. I never knew so much could come out of something so small! Oh was it disgusting...all over the carpet and she stepped in it and tracked it all over the place! She cleared the cats out of the room that's how nasty it was. But she is feeling much better now.

Christmas is officially over, the decorations are down and it has been cleaned out of the furniture. Jelly stains, chocolate handprints, spilled wine, crushed potato chips, ribbon filled cat yak, pretzels, bits of Christmas dinner, we had enough food in the carpet to feed a third world country. But not only did I do the carpet, I did all the upholstery as well and my back is KILLING me this morning. Kris got on my case we didn't do anything fun all weekend. GRRRRRRRRRR! He got the evil death stare from me on that and then there's Cass, sweet doe eyed Cass. After I spent all weekend, cleaning up the remnants of Christmas and this past weeks flu, I got a little tired and all I wanted to do was sit and just be for a few minutes. So I told Cassie to straighten the kitchen after she was done eating. She threw such a hissy, you'd think I asked her to jump off the Golden Gate Bridge into a swarm of hungry sharks. "WHAT ABOUT KRIS??? WHAT DOES HE HAVE TO DO? THOSE CRUMBS AREN'T MY CRUMBS! ID DIDN'T PUT THAT THERE!" Then she started screaming at Emily who was bringing the contents of her toybox onto the kitchen floor and just generally being her annoying self. I told her to knock it off and I wanted to hear some water running in the sink for the dishes. So, she pouted and turned on the faucet so a little dribble hit the sink and it would take a day to fill the sink. Well, that did it! I got up and calmly told her to go to her room and stay there for the rest of her life or until I called her to come out, whichever comes first. I cleaned the kitchen up which took me all of 10 minutes. It's not like I own the TajMahal. It was two counters, the table and a pan that needed cleaning. WOOP DEE DOOOOOO! So, as punishment for being a bit on the selfish side, she is solely responsible for keeping the kitchen clean for the next 3 days. AND, I had a talk with Kristopher already about NOT being a jerk and leaving all his dishes and crap all over the place knowing she would have to clean them. Yes, he would do that. I remember reading somewhere that children feel more a part of the family if they are required to have some responsibilities maintaining the household. This may come as a shock, but none of the kids has ever thanked me for requiring them to help me. I know. I know.. INCONCEIVABLE.

Nothing new to report. Saw King Kong...which I LOVED! Joe wrote his schpeil on that so I will just shut up. I am also wanting to see Munich. I watched a movie called "Crash" last night which is all about Racism and it's many incarnations. Was good. Unbelievable in parts but overall, I enjoyed it. www.rottentomatoes.com has the reviews if you are interested in reading about the movie.

Later folkses and please let me know your availability for the Berghoff outing.

All the kids are home! Cassie vs the Jelly jar!

It's 9:50am. All my children are home today. Emily is whining. Cassie is whining. Kristopher is pouring gasoline on Cassie's already burning fire by causing her to whine MORE. Already at 9:30am, it's coming to a head. All I did was give Emily a glass of water and it resulted in two absolutely full and horrible diapers. Cass was obsessing over what she wanted for breakfast and I told her if her stomach feels that bad, it's toast time. Of course she wanted jelly with the toast and that led to a meltdown. She had to pull a new jar out of the pantry and little noodle arm couldn't open the jar. So after one attempt, she started whining "Mommmm, I can't open it" "Mommmmm" "Mommm come here. boo hoo hoo" I said..WILL YOU PLEASE THROW THAT CAP UNDER SOME HOT WATER SO THAT YOU CAN OPEN IT! She looks at me.. "WHY ARE YOU YELLING AT ME? I DIDN"T DO ANYTHING!" Then she stomped over to the sink and threw the jar under the water, made one more attempt, couldn't open it and started whining again! So, I walked over there, grabbed the jar and EFFORTLESSLY opened the cap. Then I couldn't resist laughing which was a HUGE mistake on my part. "STOP LAUGHING!" "MOMMMM! WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING AT ME!" "YOU'RE MAKING FUN OF ME." Then of course Kris had to walk in and donned a giggle and all Hell broke loose in the kitchen. Cass threw the toast on the plate and said she wasn't eating it. I yelled at Kris to go away and I didn't need his help. Then told Cassie she better put the fricken jelly on the fricken toast and eat it before I ban jelly along with pop tarts.

The beginning of a beautiful day! Thus concludes Jellygate 2006!

We are all coming down with some stomach bug and feel kinda YUCK.
Cassie has a band concert tonight. It's her first and she is all jazzed up about it. As luck would have it, Kris is home from school today being all whiny and sicky poo and Emster is running around giving me mega diapers. Cass will be so thrilled to know that half her personal audience is wanting to stay home in bed tonight. So, that is all for now. By the way, I love Milano cookies! MMMMMMM

The first 5 days of the New Year.

Hmm...it feels like the old one. It's been a rather uneventful week. Work has been nice and light. The kids are back to school. I am reading "The DaVinci Code." True to form, I started it 2 years after it was trendy and am reading at, of all places, the bowling alley. Yes it's noisy there and smoky and is generally mass pandemonium. Minus the smoke, it feels like HOME! I haven't had a cigarette in ages and ages and previously, my bowling adventure was my VICE NIGHT! I smoked. I drank. I once traded my bra to a biker. Well, all us girls on my team did. Kinda funny and NO, there was no flashing involved. My friend liked his Harley shirt. So we girls traded the bras for the tee shirt. HEE HEE! Those were the days! Now I sit and read and GASP...behave! WTF!? I used to order one of those oil cans of Fosters. Now, I settle for a simple draft. I used to walk out slightly looped. Now, I walk out very sober. What is happening to me???? In any case, it gets me out of the house. I love the bowling alley! No one is there putting on airs and trying to be anything they are not. WE are all just normal everyday people with normal everyday problems throwing a ball down an oily lane imagining that the source of all our stress is the head pin. Babes with balls!

I just realized that the above had nothing to do with the first 5 days of the New Year. My first 5 days:
I got up 5 times.
I went to work 4 times
I had a hangover 1 time
I watched Law and Order, X-Files, WIthout A Trace and a movie called "The Rainmaker".
I chased Emily out of the tree at least 4 times a day for the past 5 days
I vacuumed spilled coffee grounds out of the carpet twice because Em got into the garbage can and had a rip roaring good time with them.
I mediated countless fights between Kris and Cass.

Hmm... Looks like 2006 is looking a whole lot like 2005.
I have some ideas on things to change but it is still a work in progress.
Later!

HALLELUIAH!!

The kids went back to school today!!!!! DO YOU SEE MY HAPPY DANCE??? Of course now they are....*home* SIGHHHHHH! I've heard the word "idiot" 20 times. Cass calls Kris "dumb butt." He calls her "retard." Emmie just says.. COOKIE??? But for 6 hours today, it was quiet even with the voracious toddler pulling things down, touching everything, climbing things and chasing cats. Honestly, I don't know what the child will do when the tree comes down this coming weekend. It's become her bestest buddy. Kristopher made a little ornament for the tree when he was in 1st grade out of a wafer cone and one of those styrofoam balls. It looked like an ice cream cone. IN fact, it looked so much like an ice cream cone that Emily ate it. Well, she ate the wafer part anyway and I guess it didn't taste good because cone crumbs were all over the LR. Kris was upset. I was upset and amused at the same time and I am very happy the darn tree is coming down this weekend because there have been just way too many ornament casualties this year. As a matter of fact, I just pulled one from her hot little hands. Hope your New Years was smashing! We were a tad smashed which is just the way it should be!

Happy New Year

I have a hangover. I have a hangover and an active toddler. OUCH!

Post Christmas ... the resumption of sanity

I am soooo tired. Christmas Eve went off without a hitch. The dinner came out alright. I strive for no complaints. This year, I didn't hear any so I guess it was OK. The leftovers were even better! My kids raked it in! I swear there wasn't anything on the kids list that they didn't get. The living room was covered in boxes and paper and ribbon and in the middle of it all was this toddler who was practically bouncing off the walls trying to figure out what to destroy first. Her grandma opened up the majority of her presents which Emily carried around and dropped in some strategic place. Her piano unfortunately, arrived damaged. The back was crushed in as if something heavy was sitting on it and Em's has to bang on the piano really hard to get any sound out of it at all. OK..That could be a blessing and believe me I know this. But, I did get on the phone with the company that I ordered it from, and they shipped one to me yesterday which I should get in the next few days. Kudo's to Sensational Beginnings for their really good customer service. I asked them if I should have the damaged piano ready for them to pick up and was told to just put it on the curb with the trash. Well cool! So there is a little plug from me for them. After the flurry of wrapping paper and fever pitch excitement about their presents, Christmas Day and the day after Christmas were spent breaking it all. For us adults, it was prime opportunity to sit on our butts and we did! And um..we drank a lot too. YUM. The next stop, NYE. Have I ever mentioned how much I loathe and detest NYE? It is the one day of the year I feel like the biggest loser! I think the whole holiday was cursed when I married my ex on NYE 1993 and it was downhill from there, hook, line and sinker! Since that fateful day, my NYE's have usually been spent getting stood up which has happened countless times, or I make plans and someone gets the flu and I wind up sitting at home with chinese food and a B movie or I get the flu and spend it in bed. Around midnight, I look back at the preceding year and say...what have I accomplished? Nothing! I'm in the same place I was last year, broke, no boyfriend, barely swimming with my head above water and one year older to boot! I am aware it is my own perceptions. I am aware I can adjust my attitude. I am aware of a lot of things. But like Melvin in the movie "Is This as Good as it Gets?" I wonder the same thing every year! IS IT? My life has one thing for sure, a whole lotta drama! All I can say is HAPPY NEW YEAR to all of you and please pass the Prozac!

This could be my last chance!!!

OK .. I got this in my email today and thought I would post this because it was the best laugh I got all week!

"Hi

This is a legitimate appeal for ladies only.
If you are interested or if you want to unsuscribe email me at
togni55@land.ru


I'm an Italian guy,I live in Italy and my name is Andrea.I live in Padova.
I'm sending this message to the people because I'm bored to live in Italy,I'm
looking for a lady what could invite me in usa.I seek a millionaires american
lady who desires a young guy for marriage.
I don't seek a woman who works too much but a lady who has a lot of time
and could meet me.



I would love to find a wealthy lady who lives in one of the following places in
usa or nearby:
1) "The treasure coast",I mean north east Broward County or east Palm Beach
county(FLORIDA)
2)Honolulu (Hawaii)
3)Reno(Nevada)
4)Las Vegas(nevada)
5)Atlanta(georgia)
6)Jupiter,Stuart,Coral Springs,Jensen Beach,Boynton Beach,Deepwater,Hutchinson
Island or Miami(Florida)





Considering that I like the mature women, I'd love to find a lady of 45-60yo
age range.
I'd love to find a gentle long haired lady who lives in a swimming pool house
near the sea (as I like to swim) .
I seek a lady without young or old children,a no smoker lady who could be
widowed,separated,single ,divorced.
I would need a sugarmamma figure at the beginning .



I seek a bisexual woman that figures out of the years,looks young and feels
young :
it's not a problem if she's not beautiful because she should be beautiful inside
and most of all ,she should desire a younger soulmate.(She could be overweight
too)
The thing I desire is to fix a serious stable relationship with a lady who
gives me the opportunity to have a better life.




ABOUT ME:

I have long black hair,my weight is 65 kilos(145 lbs) and my height is about
1.80 metres(5.11)...
I'm no smoker /drinker and I'm good looking.



If you could be the kind of woman I'm looking for, write me soon please!!!!!!


Thank you very much for reading my letter .
I think there must be a woman for me out there.




Cheers

ANDREA TOGNAZZI -Italy"

Now, doesn't he sound like a prize? Ladies, if you are bisexual, rich and old, do give Andrea a call so another Anna Nicole Smith trial can make the news. In the meantime, I don't think I fit the criteria. The only swimming pool I have is the big puddle in the backyard that I get when it rains a lot. I was thinking of upgrading my swimming pool to one that is turtle shaped for Emily. Think Andrea would go for that? I'm sure he's about Emily's age anyhow.

Darn! I wish I had replied to that Swiss Lotto win, then I could afford this Italian Stallion!

Peace!

Merry Christmas

Christmas Greetings to all of you! I am preparing to shut this sucker down for the day so I can focus on creating our Christmas Eve Feast!

On the menu tonight:
Garlic and basil shrimp with Sundried tomatoes over Fettucini.
Salad with Tarragon vinagrette
Steamed cauliflour and Broccoli with mustard sauce.
White wine
Assorted desserts

I am also serving as a pre dinner munchies
Vidalia Onion dip for crackers
Shrimp cocktail
Scallops sauteed in butter and garlic
Vegetable pizza.

Tomorrow, we eat leftovers and get over the hangover.
Do have a wonderful holiday! Hope Santa is good to all of you. I know Santa mom went way over budget this year in this house! Oh well..it's only money right?

Leaving with one of my favorite quotes of all time

Do good anyway...

"In the Final Analysis"

by Mother Teresa

People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered...
forgive them anyway


If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish ulterior motives...
be kind anyway


If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies...
succeed anyway


If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you...
be honest and frank anyway


What you may spend years building, someone may destroy overnight...
build anyway


If you find serenity and happiness, people may be jealous...
be happy anyway


The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow...
do good anyway


Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough...
give the world the best you have anyway


You see, in the final analysis, it's all between you and God...
it was never between you and them anyway

Have a Merry

I have no idea what kind of time I am going to have now so I'd like to wish everyone a very Merry Christmas and Hannukah and Kwanza and Boxing Day and.....

I don't have very good luck with cards ie remembering to send them or even write them. In the past, I've always felt the need to write a personal note in all my cards. Then I saw this episode on "Everybody Loves Raymond" where the gang was sitting around feeling all down about some of the Christmas letters they got. You know the ones I'm sure. The ones that go like this:

Hi Everyone,
The past year has been a great one for the BLAH BLAH clan. Our son got a 100% full scholarship to Harvard Law School. He's going to be the next Johnny Cochran I'm sure. We are so proud! My husband got a wonderful promotion so now we have finally been able to realize our dream of owning our own Swiss Chalet! Our daughter has announced her planned nuptials to the son of none other than DONALD TRUMP! OH MY! We can scarcely believe it. We have all had such great health and we are so blessed! May this season bring you wonderful blessings!

Love the Blah Blah family!

OH BARF! We have all gotten letters like that. OK seriously, you want to gag right? Especially when your year has been like MINE.

My Christmas letter:
Dear Friends and Family,
This year has really SUCKED! It started out with mass layoffs for my company. Somehow I was spared which I suppose is lucky on my part but, due to horrible mismanagement, I spent 12 hours a day in front of my computer, haven't taken a vacation since 2002 and have noticed my hair turning a nice shade of gray. I was sick all last winter with the stress, physically and emotionally. I've dealt with $2000 in car repairs, a broken furnace in the winter, a broken AC in the summer, a broken, washer, dishwasher, computer, vacuum and dryer. Then to really add insult to injury, we needed to raise the well at the cabin to the tune of $2500. We put our cat to sleep over the summer much to the devastation of the kids. After all these repairs, I've lived with $2 in my checking account for a week and my credit card magnetic strips are all totally worn out. Then to REALLY add insult to injury, the DNA donor to Emily who cheated on me with the bosses daughter and left me alone and pregnant is taking ME to court. Isn't that a hoot? It's been so much fun, I can hardly stand it. August brought the return of another blight. Kyle called out of nowhere and threatened to take me to court too if I didn't let him see his children. Well, he can just take a number! So, here I sit...Christmas is bought but not paid for. I'm in debt up to my eyeballs and just got slapped with a $3000 lawyer bill. But folks...I AM BLESSED!! BLESSED! DAMMIT! Have a rockin Christmas..I'm sure I made you all feel better with this letter. At least you know someone elses life is shittier than yours.

Peace,
Kathy

At the end of the Everyone Loves Raymond episode, Deborah, Ray, Frank and Marie were all sitting there laughing at everyones life is wonderful letters and happily tossing them into the fire. Frame mine..you may need it when you're feeling really low on life.

Now, from the bottom of my heart, I hope your holidays are wonderful. I hope that next year is better for all of us. That we all are blessed with good health. That your house isn't falling apart, your children mind you, your job rocks and your bad mistakes don't take you court.

Love to all of you and the party is at my house New Years Eve!

Whoa!

I woke up this morning and looked around the house. WHOA! IS IT A PIT TODAY! I'll have to get my little slaves working and crack that whip. I got a brand new vac!! WOOHOOO...THE HIGHLIGHT OF MY WEEK IS A NEW APPLIANCE!! What a life! But it's not any vac. It's a "Household cleaning system." I can massage my scalp with this thing too. NO LIE..it comes with a massager! It comes with an attachment for EVERYTHING, crevices, mattresses, hard wood floors, molding, ceiling fan blades, upholstery. It even de-fleas your cat if you want! It's so complicated, you have to watch a video to learn how to work it. Nope! Can't just press a button and vacuum. You have to adjust the suction for your carpet and decide if you want it on manual or drive. I've kinda hard luck with the vac's lately as I have with just about all my household appliances. I bought a supper deeee duper vac via an EBAY wholesaler but had not yet received it. SO, I'd been using my grandmothers Panasonic. Well last week, the Panasonic bit the dust or spit the dust, whichever you prefer. It started acting like a Munster vac and after pulling it apart and not finding any reason why, we had a Panasonic funeral. Of course, that left us without a vacuum cleaner and we really needed one. So Joe and I went halfsies on a temporary until the "Household cleaning system" arrived via brownshirted santa. He came back with a Dirt Devil cannister vac where you could actually SEE the dirt it was pulling up from the carpet. How profoundly COOL! It was like watching laundry spin. LOOK AT ALL THAT MUCK!!! WHOA! Check out the cat hair!! Joe did the first ceremonial dumping of the cannister in the garbage and all was good until Kristopher wanted to vacuum his room and see how much dirt he could suck up out of his carpet. Not more than one hour after buying a new "temporary" vac, a burning rubber smell wafted from Kris's room. I heard the vac go off and I went running towards the boys room. WHAT HAPPENED???? Kris was bent over the vac trying to unwedge something from the power head. My little Einstein vacuumed the power cord and it got stuck in the power head and he broke the rubber casing around the cord and it was burning and I yelled at him for being a huge dufus and not watching what he was doing and a scene ensued and Joe yelled at him and Kris spent the night pouting and telling us it wasn't his fault. The power cord must have tried to sabotage the vac. Now I have issues. Should I let him touch the new machine which cost me more than I care to admit? The thing is supposedly built like a tank but can it withstand the most destructive force since Hurricane Katrina????

In other news, the band concert was fabulous. The band and Orchestra sounded great! The kids did a combo Christmas/Hannukah/Kwanza deal of course. Just wondering, has anyone ever met one person that celebrates Kwanza?? Cassie got a good grade on her Saturn paper after the corrections of course. And work was just as annoying as ever! I have 3 whole days off next week and I just can't wait! Even though it will be spent here getting things ready for Christmas , the new C word. Any day away from AT&T is a day in bliss! I was looking on my favorite recipe site for a nice and easy Shrimp dish for our festivities and creating my shopping list. I have ONE MORE PRESENT TO BUY and I am done!

My pit awaits me! I wish myself good Vac Karma!

Tuesday Ramblings

Soo...how much bubble wrap have you popped? Remember Therapy is expensive. Bubble wrap is the cheap way to reduce your holiday stress. It's 2 weeks to Christmas and I have yelled at Emmie 1000 times to get out of the Christmas Tree, dodges 1000's of charity calls, spent my last dime and am still not done yet, have not baked a single cookie and have just decided that sometimes this season is a HO HO HEMMOROID! Not to mention that LIFE has dumped an attorney bill on me and I still need a new washer/dryer/vacuum/garage door. I LOVE IT! BRING IT ON. The funny farm is definitely where I'd rather stay. I get allergic smelling hard cold reality.

I was told to create a huge order for a client which I spent 2 hours on. Then this morning, I was told that the account codes they gave me are wrong and I need to withdraw them. THEN I got 10 emails about how the order needed to be submitted by 5pm BUT, they hadn't created the correct account codes yet. Then they created the account codes and I was told to re create the huge order. As I was going to submit it, I was told not to because the client was waffling about whether they wanted to spend this amount of money before the new year. Then an hour later, they told me to go ahead. I deal with that on a daily basis. And they say WOMEN can't make up their minds. Do you want me to order this or not??? I am being told we will have a nice bonus this year and we rightfully deserve it. AT&T is like a schizophrenic parent.

My son's HOLIDAY band concert is tonight. He goes to Public school so we can't say Christmas. Actually, I'm not 100% sure they will play any Christmas songs. As the PC world progresses, we hear more stupid songs about snowmen coming to life or melting, Rudolf's nose, Santa, and snow. So we shall see what this concert brings.

Cass had to write a paper on Saturn. I am presenting to you some of the sentences she wrote in her report before the editing.

"Saturn is interesting because it has many facts."

"From what I know, there is 31 moons, Mimas, Enceladus, Tethys, Dione, Rhea, Titan, Hyperion, Pan and Atlas and a lot more. If you know them, tell me."

"You know Saturn is the 6th planet because of the sentence "My Very Excellent Mother Just Served Us Nine Pizzas." (I'm sure that's how Galileo remembered it I'm sure)

That's all folks. Have a sane night.

Something from my inbox

I'm posting this because I remember a recent dinner discussion with my kids about this very subject. Summer comes. Summer goes. Where I used to be outside, my children are inside playing SIMS. They are always bored. Back in the old neighborhood, I taught the children how to play Ghost in the Graveyard. Can you believe not ONE child had ever played it or even heard of it???? What happened to Mother May I? Kick the Can? Tag? StatueMaker? Simon Says? Gone the way of the Dodo...How things have changed. And we as a society blame McDonald's for childhood obesity. Watching my own kids, I can tell you, it's not McDonalds. IT's SIMS. IT's Star Wars Battlefront, Instant messenger, email, internet games, and 007 James Bond. IT's a lack of imagination. I remember being outside playing with my friends from around noon to dinner time and then went out again. My friends and I chased Lightning bugs. We played tag. We rode bikes. explored a corn field that was down the block (which is now an apartment complex and sofball field), caught tadpoles, built Motocross trails in open fields for our bikes, climbed trees, played barbies in the garage, played in the sandbox, ran through the sprinkler because only one person in the whole neighborhood even had a pool, played on the swingset and rode bikes to the 7-11 for a Coca Cola Slurpee. My mom usually kicked me out after lunch and I can honestly say, I rarely watched TV indoors in the Summer. Of course I WANTED to but my first neighborhood was loaded with kids and my best friend and I across the street rarely spent time inside. It didn't take long before I would forget about cartoons on Channel 32. So Kris, Cass Joe and I talked over dinner about what it was like to be a kid in the 70's and 80's. And below, in nicer words of course, is what was said. Enjoy!

Subject: Over 30 reality....
IF you are 30 or older you will think this is hilarious!!!!

When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious
diatribes about how hard things were when they were growing up; what
with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning ... uphill -
BOTH ways.

yadda, yadda, yadda And I remember promising myself that when I grew
up, there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like
that on kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it!
But now that...
I'm over the ripe old age of thirty, I can't help but look around and
notice the youth of today. You've got it so easy! I mean, compared
to my childhood, you live in a damn Utopia! And I hate to say it but
you kids today... you don't know how good you've got it! I mean, when
I was a kid we didn't have The Internet. If we wanted to know
something, we had to go to the damn library and look it up ourselves,
in the card catalog!! There was no email! We had to actually write
somebody a letter ... with a pen! Then you had to walk all the way
across the street and put it in the mailbox and it would take like a
week to get there!
There were no MP3's or Napsters! You wanted to steal music, you had
to hitchhike to the damn record store and shoplift it yourself! Or
you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ'd
usually talk over the beginning and @#*% it all up! And talk of about
hardship? You couldn't just download porn! You had to steal it from
your brother or bribe some homeless dude to buy you a copy of
"Hustler" at the 7-11! Those were your options! We didn't have fancy
crap like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else
called they got a busy signal, that's it! And we didn't have fancy
Caller ID Boxes either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it
was! It could be your school, your mom, your boss, your
bookie, your drug dealer, a collections agent, you just didn't know!!!
You
had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!
We didn't have any fancy Sony Playstation video games with
high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like
"Space Invaders" and "asteroids" and the graphics sucked ass! Your guy
was a little square!

You actually had to use your imagination! And there were no multiple
levels or screens, it was just one screen forever! And you could
never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster
and faster until you
died! ... Just like LIFE!
When you went to the movie theater there was no such thing as stadium
seating!
All the seats were the same height! If a tall guy or some old broad
with a
hat sat in front of you and you couldn't see, you were just screwed!
Sure, we had cable television, but back then that was only like 15
channels and there was no onscreen menu and no remote control! You
had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on!
You were screwed when it came to channel surfing! You had to get off
your ass and walk over to the TV to change the channel and there was
no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday
Morning. Do you hear what I'm saying!?! We had to wait ALL WEEK for
cartoons, you spoiled little rat-bastards! And we didn't have
microwaves, if we wanted to heat something up, we had to use the stove
or go build a frigging fire ...Imagine that! If we wanted popcorn, we
had to use that stupid Jiffy Pop thing and shake it over the stove
forever like an idiot. That's exactly what I'm talking about! You
kids today have got it too easy. You're spoiled.

You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1980!
Regards,

-The over 30 Something crowd!

Merry Christmas Dammit

GAH! More snow. It's supposed to snow all weekend. What fun! Going out and scraping my car is such a joy. I can't believe how quickly Christmas is coming up. IS anyone done shopping? It's been such a busy few weeks, I can't even find time to do ONLINE shopping. I brought the kids to get their portraits taken. It's always a good time especially when your precocious toddler won't sit for the portraits, kicks, screams and causes a ruckus. But, it all came out well in the end. Once she realized that people applauded her when she sat still, I couldn't get her out of there. She was posing like a model after awhile. Last weekend saw Cassie's 11th birthday on top of it all. We had a nice weekend planned for her which included theater tickets to see Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat and of course, it was snowing. Any good Chicagoan knows that when it snows, people drive reallllllyyyy slooooowwwwwww. We sat in stop and go traffic all the way to the city. Stupid snow! The show was fun though. Darn music has been going through my head allllllll week. To top it all off, the restaurant we chose lost their liquor license. What's Italian food without a nice glass of Merlot?????? Ah well..a good time was had by all...I think. Thursday, I went to Cassie's "Holiday" play. It's OK to say Happy Kwanza and Happy Hannukah but Merry Christmas is just not acceptable in Chicago these days. So, Cassie's play was cute and oh so politically correct. Now seriously, her play covered the history of Kwanza and the miracle of the oil that gave birth to the celebration of Hannukah, why couldn't they mention that Christmas is...dare I say it...a celebration of the birth of..here goes.. JESUS! OH MY! I SAID IT! THE J WORD! TABOOOOOOOOO!!!! So sick of this I am.. Every Christmas around here it's the same garbage. No one can mention Christmas. No one can talk about anything except Santa Claus, that non denominational, holiday figure. I understand mulitculturalism but I have never been offended by anyone talking about Ramadan, Hannukah, Kwanza, Siva, Vishnu or the Buddha in my presence. It certainly didn't make me feel excluded. Nor was I going to run to the nearest Temple or Mosque and switch Religions. I am Catholic. Born Catholic. Raised Catholic and no matter what anyone says, I have never been able to stop being Catholic. Seeing a dreidle or Menorrah sure isn't going to change it either. (If I spelled those wrong, I am sorry) Nor I have never known one Jewish, Islamic, Buddhist, etc. friend of mine to be offended at the mention of Christmas or a Christian friend to be offended by Hannukah. So I would like to know, WHO IS COMPLAINING? AND GET OVER YOURSELVES!!!!!!! End of rant. MERRY CHRISTMAS! Back to the play. It was politically correct. THe hightlight was when someones kid brother jumped the kid playing Santa Claus and gave him a punch in the belly. HEE HEE... An embarrassed parent did try to restrain the child to no avail. I missed getting it on video because I was focusing the camera on Cassie as if anyone wanted to see her anyway. :) Well that is all for now. I have to scrape my car, then move it off the street before the dang snowplow comes.

A Wisconsin/Arizona Snow Diary

This seemed appropriate as it is snowing outside and our first significant snowfall of the year. In looking for another tidbit online today, I came across this. I thought I'd kill two birds with one stone: the cold birds up here in the Midwest and the Snowbirds down there in the bowels of Hell..I mean Arizona.

Diary Of Wisconsin & Arizona

Dear Diary:

August 2: Moved to our new home in Wisconsin. It is so beautiful here. The forests are so serene and picturesque. Can hardly wait to see them all covered with snow. God's Country. I love it here!

October 14: Wisconsin is the most beautiful place on Earth. The leaves are turning and beginning to color. I love the bright shades of red and orange. Went for a ride through a beautiful forest and spotted some deer. They are so graceful. They are certainly the most peaceful animals on earth. This must be paradise!

November 11: Deer Season will start soon. I can't imagine anyone wanting to kill such an elegant creature. The very symbol of peace and tranquillity. Hope it will snow soon. I really love it here!

December 2: It finally snowed last night. Woke up to find everything blanketed in white. It looks just like a postcard. We went outside and cleared the snow off the steps and shoveled the driveway. We had a snowball fight (I won) and when the snow plow came by, we had to shovel the driveway again. What a beautiful place. Mother Nature in perfect harmony. I love Wisconsin.

December 12: More snow last night. I love it. The snow-plow did his trick again (that rascal). A winter wonderland, but pretty cold!

December 19: More snow last night. Couldn't even get out of the driveway to get to work this time. I'm exhausted from shoveling this stuff. Darn that old snow-plow!

December 22: More of that white shit fell last night. I've got blisters from shoveling this crap. I think the snow plow man hides around the curve and waits until I'm done shoveling the damn driveway, then he plows the fucking street, the Asshole!

December 25: "White Christmas" my busted ass! More fucking snow. If I ever get my hands on the son-of-a-bitch who drives that snowplow, I swear I will castrate the stupid bastard. Why don't they use more salt on the roads to melt all this ice.

December 28: Guess what? More white shit fell last night. Been inside since Christmas fucking day except for shoveling out the driveway every time the "Snow Plow from Hell" comes by. Can't go anywhere, the car's buried in a mountain of frozen white shit. The weatherman says to expect another 10" tonight. Do you know how many shovels- full of white shit 10" is?

January 1: Happy Fucking New Year! The weatherman was wrong. We got 34" of the white shit this time. At this rate, it won't melt until the 4th of July. The snow plow got stuck up the road and the shithead driver had the balls to come to the door and ask to borrow my shovel. I told him I'd already broken 6 shovels digging out from under all the white shit he pushes back into my driveway and broke my last shovel over his God damned head.

January 4: Finally got out of the house today. Went to the store to get food. On the way back a God damned deer ran in front of the car and I hit the fucker. Did about $3000 damage to the car. Those worthless deer shit-dropping road hazards should be exterminated. Wish the fucking hunters had killed them all last November.

May 3: Took the new car to the garage in town. Would you believe the body is rusting out from all that fucking salt they dumped on the roads all winter. My car looks like a piece of shit!

July 1: Moved to Arizona! I can't imagine why anyone on their right mind would ever move to that God Forsaken State of Wisconsin.

July 2: Saw a wonderful sunset this evening. I now understand "Purple Mountains Majesty". Why do people live anywhere but here?

July 3: A lightning storm came last night. The sky was all lit. It was truly awesome! This morning the sky is "transparent". I can see into Mexico. Arizona is a phenomenal state!

July 4: Now this is a state that knows how to live. Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. Mountains and desert blended together, what a place. Watched the fireworks at the park laying out on a blanket. It was glorious! I've finally found my home.

July 5: Really heating up, got to 100 today, not a problem, live in an air conditioned home and drive an air conditioned car. Life's full of tradeoffs. What a pleasure to see the sun everyday like this. I'm turning into a real sun worshipper.

July 7: Had the back yard landscaped with western plants today. Lots of cactus and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing for me. Another scorcher today but I love it here.

July 10: The temperature has not been below 100 all week. How do people get used to this kind of heat. At least it's a dry heat. Getting used to it is taking a little longer than I expected.

July 15: Fell asleep at poolside, got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body. Missed two days work. What a dumb thing to do. I've learned my lesson! I really respect the old Sun in a climate like this.

July 20: I missed Tabby our cat sneaking into the car when I left this morning. By the time I got out to the hot car for lunch, Tabby had swollen to the size of a shopping bag and exploded over $2000 worth of leather upholstery. I told the kids she ran away. The car now smells like kibbles and shit. No more pets in this heat.

July 25: Dry Fucking Heat my Ass. Hot is hot! I'd be cooler living in my oven. The home air conditioner is on the fritz and the AC repairman wants $200 just to drive by and tell me he needs to order parts.

July 30: Been sleeping outside by the pool for three nights now. $1100 fucking dollar house payment and we can't even go inside. Why did I ever come here?

August 4: 117 degrees. Finally got the air conditioner fixed today. It cost $500 and can only cool the house down to 90. Stupid ass Mexican repairman pissed in my pool. I hate this fucking state.

August 8: If another shithead cracks, "Hot enough for ya today", I'm going to tear his fucking throat out. Arizona is hot! By the time I get to work, the radiator is boiling over, my clothes are dripping wet with sweat and I smell like roasted fucking Garfield.

August 10: The weather report might as well be a recording. Hot and sunny. It's been too hot to fuck for 2 stinking months. And the weatherman says it might really warm up this weekend. Doesn't it ever rain in the barren damn desert!

August 19: Welcome to Hell! Temperature got to 128 degrees today. Forgot to crack a window and blew the fucking windshield out of the Lincoln. The Mexican installer came to fix it, and said, "Hot enough for ya today." My wife had to spend the stinking $1100 house payment to bail me out of jail.

August 30: Hottest day of the God damn summer. I'm not even leaving the house. Water rationing has been in effect all summer so the $1700 worth of my "low maintenance" cactus in the yard just dried up and blew into the fucking pool Even a cactus can't live in this heat! I can't cool off in the pool now! The pool is full of fucking needles and every fucking time I fucking attempt to clean the fucking cactus needles out of the fucking pool filter I shred my fucking hands.
That does it, we're moving back to Wisconsin in time for deer season!

Don't hit Santa!

Elf Snowball Fight

Here's a little thing to do while you blow off your work as I am doing at this moment.. but JUST for a moment.

Merry Christmas

Wouldn't you like to do this to someone?

Snow Globe
I have been so busy! Hope you're surviving the cold and this Christmas season. It's a frigid -3 degrees here in the Chicago area. BRRRRR.

I am really tired

Tired! Tired! Tired!.. After 4 days off, back to work UGH! It was really the same stuff. At the moment, I am not feeling inspired but I do have some stories. My kids are such and endless source of entertainment in such an annoying way. Tonight, we were watching the local Public station. I am a huge fan of Broadway musicals and WTTW, our local PBS, was doing clips from the many years of the Tony awards. I made the mistake of a) sitting and b) enjoying myself. About five minutes later, the sounds of Cassie and Kristopher fighting downstairs, the the usual plod up the stairs from Cassie and she was crying about something. I only heard "blah blah blah Kris. Something something not fair." And a few minutes later,up the stairs came Mister innocent with a completely different accounting. Of course I wasn't in the room and didn't see who started what or who kicked who or who was annoying first. I was just annoyed that I can't watch anything, read anything, work on anything without the sounds of two kids fighting in the background. It's like the soundtrack of my life. WAR! GOOD GOD YA ALL! WHAT IS IT GOOD FOR?..ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!! SAY IT AGAIN! So, me being the great mom that I am, went to the bathroom and closed the door and there I stayed. Everytime a kid said something, I turned the water on. I figured they would get bored and go away eventually. BUT CASSIE TRICKED ME!!! I opened the door after 10 minutes or so in an attempt to sneak back to my comfy chair, and the minute she heard the door open, SHE POUNCED! ARGH! That was my evening! So now, I am sitting here just enjoying the fact that the kids are in bed. Yes, I know I should go there myself but these moments to myself are so few and far between that is seems like such a waste not to take advantage of it.

Nite all!

We need a womans version!

World's Shortest Fairy Tale

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl "Will you marry me?"
The girl said,"NO!" And the guy lived happily ever after and went fishing, hunting and played golf a lot and drank beer and farted whenever he wanted.

The day after

I have to share this because it's so darn funny! Today at lunch, as we were eating our leftover turkey (Of course), the kitchen was cleaned up and we were relaxing. I had Kristopher take the garbage to the garage. When he got back, he saw us eating something and started griping he was still hungry. The kid is ALWAYS hungry.. You know he ate pretty much all day yesterday from dusk till dawn but I digress. I said if you really want something, go have one of those tangerines. Kris is a menace with the rinds though. They never hit the garbage and I've been sweeping them up all over the house so I was giving him a little static about being messy with the things and this time to make sure that ALL the rinds hit the garbage can and if he threw them in the garbage without a bag I'd be angry. I meant a GARBAGE bag because he had just taken the garbage to the garage and of course did not put in a new bag. The picture says it all.
On another note:
I hope everyone had a really nice Thanksgiving. The buzzword of ours was LAZY and we were! It was soooo nice. After Halloween, we were all trying to figure out if we were going to do a potluck or go out. What we decided on was to do neither. We did Thanksgiving ala Boston Market and it was DEFINITELY the best choice. 5 minutes it took me to order the whole thing..Turkey, stuffing, taters and gravy, cranberry sauce, rolls and pie. The cost was about what I would spend if I bought all the ingredients at the store and the time it took to prepare everything equaled the time it took me to go there and pick it up and warm it up. We didn't miss out on a thing and have plenty of leftovers. Clean up time equaled the time it took to throw all the Chinet plates in the garbage. But they were special holiday Chinet plates. Today..well I murphy oil soaped the wood furniture and cabinets, vacuumed up crushed pretzels in the carpet and straightened up the kitchen. A lot of people have a holiday tradition to go shopping today. My holiday tradition is to avoid the store at all costs from now until January. I think it's a good tradition! No circling the parking lot for an hour looking for a spot in BFI, no crowds, no screaming kids, no Salvation Army Santas, no people pushing me out of the way for the $20 dollar DVD player, no one stepping on my feet, no lines, no stroller traffic no getting up at 5am and waiting in a line outside the size of the Great Wall of China. NO THANK YOU! I have discovered the joy of online shopping and that is what I'll stick to. Yeah! Yeah!..I know the best sales at the store blah blah blah. What I save in stress and annoyance is something you just can't put a price on, not even for a $10 sweater at Old Navy. Click Click Click and send! VOILA...Christmas delivered UPS man, my brown shirted Santa Claus! Have a great "Black Friday!" I'm sitting at home in my jammies NYAH NYAH

I would just...

Like to take this opportunity to wish all of you a very Happy Thanksgiving!!!

I for one, have already started on Holiday Spirits! May you do the same and find something in your life to be really thankful for.

I am thankful right now..Thankful that it's Wednesday. I have a cold beer. I am done working for the night and EMILY IS WITH GRANDMA!!! Which means, I'm going to the movies to see Welcome Back Potter! er um..Harry Potter.

Wingardium Leviosa! and Happy Holiday to you all!
I am leaving you with a Thanksgiving recipe that has been in my family for many years. I shouldn't even be posting it but I feel like sharing

How to cook your Thanksgiving Turkey!


Step 1: Go buy a turkey
Step 2: Take a drink of whiskey
Step 3: Put turkey in the oven
Step 4: Take another 2 drinks of whiskey
Step 5: Set the degree at 350 ovens
Step 6: Take 3 more whiskeys of drink
Step 7: Turn oven the on
Step 8: Take 4 whisks of drinky
Step 9: Turk the bastey
Step 10: Whiskey another bottle of get
Step 11: Stick a turkey in the thermometer
Step 12: Glass yourself a pour of whiskey
Step 13: Bake the whiskey for 4 hours
Step 14: Take the oven out of the turkey
Step 15: Take the oven out of the turkey
Step 16: Floor the turkey up off the pick
Step 17: Turk the carvey
Step 18: Get yourself another wottle of biskey
Step 19: Tet the sable and pour yourself a glass of turkey
Step 20: Bless the saying, pass and eat out

Can you say STRESSSSSSS?

Hello reader.. I know there's one of you out there.. AH YES! I see you in the back. "Helloooooo" *waves*
So, here it is, the week before Thanksgiving. Please remind me, and I know you will, to take this week OFF next year! As I am the official departmental backup, I am backing up not 1...not 2...but 3 people tomorrow. Today, I received over 100 emails that all started out the same... "I know that so and so is out and since your his/her backup, can you resolve this in an hour?" I had one hour of power training on Thursday to learn to do some reports but today, I had to find equipment I never heard of from vendors I didn't know existed.

I sat down to do these reports Friday and SURPRISE! SURPRISE! SURPRISE! it didn't work for me and there was no one to ask. SOOO, my day was spent fighting with the reports and databases and they just didn't get done. I still don't know why 3 of them won't run for me. I did figure out why one of them wouldn't. You want to know why? BECAUSE I HAD A STUPID DASH IN THE WRONG &%#*) PLACE!!! AN ALL DAY DEBACLE OVER A &%)* DASH!!!! That report did go out this morning though and I am DAMN proud of myself. To top it off, Emily was a really big pain in the patutie. Has anyone tried to fight with Microsoft Access and a 19 month old at the same time? I wouldn't recommend it. When Emily doesn't like a food, the plate or bowl goes flying. My kitchen has been christened with a bowl of Apple Cinnamon Oatmeal, a hot dog and a plate full of chicken and mashed potatoes and I am almost the ex mother of a 19 month old girl. I put ME in time out three times today. Now if only someone would just send me to my room....

I am SO not sure this is a good idea

I bought Emily a toy piano today for Christmas. I keep thinking that decision will blow up in my face but the musical toys have been a HUGE hit with the little girl. Silently, I am absolutely LOVING the fact that my child likes music. Actually, all my children like music. Kristopher is quite a decent young trumpet player. Cass is very impressive on her clarinet for the short time she's been playing. Emily carries around a toy called "Mozart Magic Cube" and played with it so much, it only works sometimes. From a young age, I've tried to introduce the kids to different music knowing full well that eventually they'll fall into the Brittney Christina Carey pop music trap and all that manufactured, overly marketed, digitized music with stars with less than an ounce of talent because that is what is cool! It is happening with Cassie who is all about some boring group called "Simple Plan" YAWN! BUT, when her friends aren't around, I catch her listening to Broadway music, Norah Jones kind of Jazz, and Classic Rock. This is proof, I have done my job! I will continue on introducing them to as many different forms of music as I can but please...NO COUNTRY MUSIC!! El Yucko! They know Johnny Cash and that's all they need to know of the genre.
SOOO to make a short story long, a little 30 key Spinet piano will be arriving to introduce my youngest to the world of musicianship. You can see the piano here.

There really is no other news. I plan on spending my Saturday night cleaning out the fridge. Whoopeeeee!!! I'm just waiting for my youngest little terror to go to bed as absolutely NOTHING gets done when she's awake.

PS The purple crayon marks came off the TV screen fairly easily, thank goodness!

There are purple crayon marks on my TV screen. EMILY!!!!!!!!

The Ebay Song

The Ebay Song

HA HA!
Enjoy!

Cassie's latest tantrum!

The vet called today to remind me that I have yet to pick up my cat, CC's ashes. It's not that I didn't love my cat or don't miss the little guy. It's that my kitty has gone to kitty heaven and I've been comfortable with just the memories of what a little pain in the butt he was. Of course, after the vet called, there was some discussion as to where we were going to put the ashes. Kris wanted them in the LIVING ROOM! Argh..no. No ashes. That is just a disaster waiting to happen around here. I told him we would figure it out when we picked them up and they would probably be in his room somewhere. The ashes DO come in a decorative tin after all. Well, that caused Cassie's little head to spin around 360 degrees. "MOM! I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING OF CC's..IT'S NOT FAIR. I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS!" She then went to Kris's room and snagged CC's collar that Kris keeps on his desk. I told her to put it back. She stomped. She screamed. She cried. SHE WENT TO HER ROOM! Glory be for a little peace and quiet for all of about 5 minutes! I should add CC was more Kristophers buddy. For some reason, the little black buddy bonded with the boy more so than Cass or me and it was Kris who took CC's illness and death the hardest. It only seemed logical to me that he keep the cats ashes. But to Cassie, things were just UNFAIR. Kris has the collar! SHE should have the ashes. I am thinking of grinding up some prozac into the childs juice box. Anyhoo... Kristopher presented me with the following note from Cassie. I hope it amuses you as much as it amused me.

It was folded about 15 times and the outside fold said

"To my family. Give it to mom afterwards."

The body of the note said this:
Dear Everyone,
I miss CC.and the fact that I don't have anything of him is rude. In fact whose bed did he sleep on first. Who was his first buddy and whose ears did he kiss first. That's right! ME! I miss him. Each of you write back!
PS I should have signed up for rainbows.
Love,
Cassie

OK.. what is it with the note thing? For an hour or so, she asked if I was going to write her back. "No!" I said. "You're sitting right there. Why should I write you a note?"

At this point, Emily is so much easier! I am going to enjoy it everyday because one day, she'll go psycho on me too as all little girls do. It's easy to determine what she wants. She wants juice or a cookie. She wants to take a nap or sit on my lap. Cassie, OY! Try explaining anything to this child and she doesn't even know what she wants half the time. EVERYTHING is an issue and she has this tit for tat, eye for an eye sense of justice. TO her, fair is 50/50. The big picture gets lost. If Kris has the collar, she should have the ashes...period! If Kris has two pieces of chicken at dinner and she only has one, then she feels she is entitled to the leftovers. It's only fair right? Even though she eats like a bird and Kris is 12 and would eat the plate the food is served on if he could. Her black and white thinking scares me. There are no shades of gray and that will get her into trouble as she experiences more of life.

Peace and all that...!

A good idea??

A couple of days ago, I was listening to talk radio on WLS and the topic of discussion was a bakery in NY that many moms were protesting due to the fact that the owner put a handwritten sign on the door that stated that children should use their "indoor" voices when visiting the bakery. That caused quite an UPROAR with some moms who just don't want to waste time monitoring their childrens behavior in a public place. Perhaps the owner would have been more effective with a sign like this on his door. What do you think?

Thanks Bill in GA for sending that. I got quite a laugh!

Peace!

I'm bored. Thrill me!

What a totally, boring, non-eventful, absolutely nothing going on kinda day. AND,it was the kind of Fall day I don't like to boot, all rainy and cold and dreary. I had some trouble staying focused on my job and found myself off in space many times. One positive thing, Emmie went to daycare so it was a Doodlebop-less day which was nice! For those that aren't familiar with Playhouse Disney and the Doodlebops
this should say it all. SIDENOTE: Some girls think the dude with the orange hair is HOT! That fact gives me comfort. If a bunch of girls/women/teens can drool all over a guy with orange hair, there is hope for me. They are slightly less annoying than Barney. And, no one thought BARNEY was hot so that's another in the Doodles favor. Orange dude beats purple dinosaur hands down! Now we could say something about the purple teletubbie but I will not go in that direction. OK! I'm being silly..silly and bored.

I had a huge taste for baked chicken so I grabbed some drumsticks out of the fridge. I love chicken! It's a busy moms dream. There isn't anything you can do to it that will ruin it. Today, I basted it with butter seasoned with sage, poultry seasoning , salt, pepper and some Turkey seasoning I bought from Williams and Sonoma and baked it in a pan with some white wine, water and onions for about 45 minutes. It was REALLY good for a throw together meal that took me all of 15 minutes to prepare. I like to dabble a bit sometimes with dinner and find I really like to cook when I have the time but most days, it's whatever is in the freezer with whatever is on hand, mixed up, baked or broiled and that's what we call dinner. I have gotten some really good ideas on Epicurious They are a great source of recipes including the best ideas from Gourmet, Bon Appetite and from readers themselves. Always read the reviews as there are some great ideas from other cooks to make the dishes even better. I usually cook Christmas Eve dinner and I do enjoy planning it, reviewing recipes, shopping and cooking it.

I will leave you with a joke sent by my friend in GA. It cracked me up! I apologize if you've seen before.

Daily Wisdom:
WICOE

(Women In Charge Of Everything)


is proud to announce the opening of its


EVENING CLASSES FOR MEN!



ALL ARE WELCOME



OPEN TO MEN ONLY



Note: due to the complexity and level of difficulty, each
course
will accept a maximum of eight participants

The course covers two days, and topics covered in this course
include:


DAY ONE

HOW TO FILL ICE CUBE TRAYS
Step by step guide with slide presentation

TOILET ROLLS- DO THEY GROW ON THE HOLDERS?
Roundtable discussion

DIFFERENCES BETWEEN LAUNDRY BASKET & FLOOR
Practicing with hamper (Pictures and graphics)

DISHES & SILVERWARE; DO THEY LEVITATE/FLY TO KITCHEN SINK OR
DISHWASHER BY THEMSELVES?
Debate among a panel of experts.

REMOTE CONTROL
Losing the remote control - Help line and support groups

LEARNING HOW TO FIND THINGS
Starting with looking in the right place instead of turning the

house upside down while screaming - Open forum


DAY TWO

EMPTY MILK CARTONS; DO THEY BELONG IN THE FRIDGE OR THE BIN?
Group discussion and role play

HEALTH WATCH; BRINGING HER FLOWERS IS NOT HARMFUL TO YOUR
HEALTH
PowerPoint presentation

REAL MEN ASK FOR DIRECTIONS WHEN LOST
Real life testimonial from the one man who did

IS IT GENETICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO SIT QUIETLY AS SHE PARALLEL
PARKS?
Driving simulation

LIVING WITH ADULTS; BASIC DIFFERENCES BETWEEN YOUR MOTHER AND
YOUR
PARTNER
Online class and role playing

HOW TO BE THE IDEAL SHOPPING COMPANION
Relaxation exercises, meditation and breathing techniques

REMEMBERING IMPORTANT DATES & CALLING WHEN YOU'RE GOING TO BE
LATE
Bring your calendar or PDA to class

GETTING OVER IT; LEARNING HOW TO LIVE WITH BEING WRONG ALL THE
TIME
Individual counselors available

Coming up with new titles is getting difficult.

Here it is another Sunday. I'm taking a little break as I did about 5 loads of wash, cleaned the kitchen floor and spot cleaned the carpet to remove the new puke stains from one very active little toddler girl. It seemed like a good idea today as she is off with her grandparents visiting her other side of the family. All in all, it's been a very unexciting week and very uneventful. A few have asked what is going on with the court case. For those that don't know me or are unsure of the background, you can read the story here. I was served with court papers back in June, ME, can you believe that? B. possibly thought this was a way to really screw me. I don't know. Possibly perhaps he doesn't know either but at the time that he served the papers (which had Em's birthday and address WRONG by the way) it must have SEEMED like a good idea. However, we are all just laughing at his superior intellect. One of my friends asks me every time, "What does he want again?" To which I reply, "No one really knows." Other than a few status hearings, there wasn't much movement until just recently.
My attorney called the day before our last status hearing to let me know that there was a change in the location. Previously, the attorneys were going downtown which is 30 miles from here which is very strange considering there is a local circuit court not more than 5 miles from here. He also asked me if B. was indeed the father of my youngest. HUH? I said, Yes! I never denied that. My attorney said..OK just checking because B. had told his attorney that I was going to deny it in court. I honestly have no idea where this guy comes up with this stuff as in my response to his initial petition, I didn't deny anything. He asked me how long it's been since he's seen the child which was last August 04. He asked me if B. called and asked for visititation since the last time he's seen her. Well, no not really. He's called to tell me he was taking me to court like 3 times and ONE time he wanted to know if he and his parents could take her to see his grandmother and I did send her. My attorney told me that the judge was getting impatient with the slow movement of the case and I should, in a token of good faith, get things moving along a little. We were going to ask for temporary support which would remain in effect until the conclusion of the case and I, to be fair, should offer him visitation, supervised in his parents home for a few hours each week. GAK!! I reluctantly agreed. I may as well get used to it AND make it work in my favor somehow. You know what they say about lemons and lemonade. As of yet, I have not heard anything on this offer of mine. I received an email from B's mom asking for a copy of the birth certificate so that he can give it to his insurance company. I replied well, he's not on the Birth certificate as he didn't bother to show up for the birth or to the hospital which may mean the insurance co won't accept it. And if he wants anything from me, he can ask me himself. What a pussy! I'm all of 5'4. He's 6'4 and has 100 lbs on me. What am I going to do to him? Kick him in the shins to death? Bite his kneecaps? But, he did write me and I did answer him and I haven't heard anything about it since. We do have to go to a notary and do this together. Yay!
My attorney wrote up a proposed settlement which I am reviewing and making corrections. I will call the lawyer tomorrow and figure out a time to go in and modify the proposal and we will take it from there. That is the end of the update. In other news, my kids broke my vacuum cleaner. A word from the wise: DO NOT VACUUM WATER unless the vac is a wet/dry of course. Engine POOF! So, on the shopping list is now:
1 vacuum cleaner broken by who knows..Kris and Cass both deny it.
1 dryer which is still not drying correctly even after de-linting it.
1 washing machine - you all know the story.
1 charcoal grill broken by son who ran his bike into it
1 garage door which is trashed due to the same reason as above
1 gas grill which has been home to a bunch of hornets for 2 years now.
We are the entropy family! For those not familiar with the concept of entropy, it's the theory in Chemistry that matter tends to revert back to its most disorganized state. In other words, things fall apart and they are ALWAYS falling apart around here with a little help from my kids, the most destructive forces known to man! Beware hurricane Katrina! I introduce to you Hurricanes Kristopher, Cassandra and Emily. Please notify the Red Cross. A little assistance is needed here!

Take care everyone and here are words of wisdom for today. I had this on my desk at work for many years.

Accept Change with a Smile

Sooner or later a crisis will enter your life, and how you meet it determines your future happiness and success. Since the beginning of time, everyone has been called upon to meet such a crisis.

A closer look will show you that most "crisis situations" are opportunities to either advance or stay where you are. Indeed most changes in your life will take place out of either "inspiration" or "desperation."

Whatever comes your way, give it meaning and transform it into something of value. Your personal growth is the process of responding positively to change.

A precious stone cannot be polished without friction, nor humanity perfected without trials.

Author Unknown

I apologize for the downtime

Well, that was very odd.
This blog could not be viewed via IE for awhile there. I apologize for the downtime but the problem was my template. I usually use Firefox and was able to view everything and therefore did not notice. For some reason Microsoft Internet Explorer got picky about something and kabashed the whole thing.
Whoops. Darn computers!

And now some wisdom!
Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree.
Most men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of
falling and getting hurt. Instead, they sometimes take the apples from the
ground that aren't as good, but easy. The apples at the top think >something
is wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing. They just have to
wait for the right man to come along, the one who's brave enough to climb
all the way to the top of the tree. Share this with other women who are
good apples, even those who have already been picked!
Now Men....
Men are like a fine wine. They begin as grapes, and it's up to women to
stomp the shit out of them until they turn into something acceptable to
have dinner with.

And now a word from my sensitive side.

Please don't tell anyone I have one. As far as you are concerned, I am a BITCH! (Babe in Total Control of Herself)So, here it is, my sensitive side presents:

BEFORE I WAS A MOM

Before I was a Mom, I slept as late as I wanted and never worried about how late I got into bed.

I brushed my hair and my teeth everyday.
Before I was a Mom

I cleaned my house each day.

I never tripped over toys or forgot words to a lullaby.

I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous.

I never thought about immunizations.

Before I was a Mom I had never been puked on.

Pooped on. Spit on.

Chewed on.

Peed on.

I had complete control of my mind and my thoughts.

I slept all night.



Before I was a Mom

I never held down a screaming child so that doctors could do tests.

Or give shots.

I never looked into teary eyes and cried.

I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.

I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.



Before I was a Mom

I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put it down.

I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn't stop the hurt.

I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much.

I never knew that I could love someone so much.

I never knew I would love being a Mom.

Before I was a Mom

I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body.

I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby.

I didn't know that bond between a mother and her child.

I didn't know that something so small could make me feel so important and happy.

Before I was a Mom

I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay.

I had never known the warmth, the joy, the love, the heartache, the wonderment or the satisfaction of being a Mom.

I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much before I was a Mom.



And before I was a Grandma (I'm not a grandma but it's part of the essay so bear with me)

I didn't know that all those "Mom" feelings more than doubled!

My cynical side sez:
Before I was a mom, I had trim hips and thighs.
Before I was a mom, I still didn't sleep all night because I was out.
Before I was a mom...ah forget it! SHHHH...I wouldn't trade them for anything but don't let them know that.

DAMN!

I would just like to reiterate my major loathing for spyware.
Yesterday, my son downloaded WINFIXER quite accidentally. This is so incredibly difficult to get rid of as it bundles with other advertising software and has many many components. Norton couldn't isolate it nor could any of my spyware blasters. I tried a manual removal in a DOS window but I CAN'T GET ACCESS TO THE FILE! I refuse to call GEEK SQUAD..I JUST REFUSE! Especially since I am, by all accounts, a geek myself. I will figure this out and open my own spyware removal business, make lots of money and retire.. HA HA. I think I need Joe's REFRIDGETOR ice cube trays of death to help me out.
If anyone has anything that works, please let me know. I have tried Microsoft Beta, Spybot Search and Destroy, Ad-aware and Norton Antivirus. All have proved fruitless. NOW, it's personal! I'm aware of the geek forum and tech guy who all recommend downloading HiJack this and about 6 other applications, reboot in safe mode, change a bunch of crap, wave a wand, do a dance and restart the computer twice and Voila! It's all gone. Just too much technical stuff for my brain to handle. I must run for the present. I have a focus group tonight so I must go focus. Then, I will attack the spyware with impunity. It will be gone! OH YES! It will be gone!

EDITED TO ADD: The damn thing is still there BUT, in my defense, I didn't have time last night to work on it. All I did was download some online spyware deathray and we shall see.

A short joke that cracked me up

A husband was in big trouble when he forgot his
wedding anniversary. His wife told him "Tomorrow there
better be something in the driveway for me that goes zero to 200 in 2 seconds flat". The next morning the wife found a small package in the driveway. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Funeral arrangements for the husband have been set for Saturday.

What's the point?

Ahhh Sunday night, the pre-cursor to Monday morning and unfortunately it's another five days to next Saturday. I don't really have anything exciting planned. I just like the idea of not getting up early to work. But it's not like I get to sleep late. Miss Emmie is usually wide awake by 7:30 whether it's a weekend or not. I just like the idea of getting up and sitting on my butt in front of the computer with my cup of coffee (I LOVE COFFEE!) and relaxing!

What did I accomplish today? Nada! Well, I did wash the kitchen floor which was sticky with spilled beer and juice. It stayed clean for all of about 5 minutes before Emily decided her hot dog was a totally unacceptable lunch and dumped it on the floor and then Cass followed that up by being especially messy making her lunch too. Bathroom is clean, dusting done, vaccumming is done and 4 loads of laundry. What a day! What a life! Is it this mundane for everyone? I didn't feel left out of anything though. It's rainy and cold and it was perfect for lounging in jammies and watching movies on Lifetime and that's exactly what I did and I LIKED IT! I added a little google search bar to my blog just in case I bore my reader and she really needs to leave for somewhere in a super hurry! Give it a whirl! I think I got it to work right :)

The point of this post..? There isn't one. I just wanted an excuse to post a pic of the kids on Halloween! Enjoy!

Kinda fun

http://www.alphadictionary.com/articles/yankeetest.html
Yankee Test-- I thought this was kinda interesting and since I had nothing better to do on a Saturday night, I discovered that I am indeed a Yank. Who woulda thunk?

A few things that piss me off

1) I hate spyware. I hate spyware. I hate spyware and did I mention I hate spyware? I have wasted more time trying to remove that crap from my computer that I want a credit at the end of my life for all that time wasted because some pimply faced teenager can't get a date and needs something to do with himself. Something downloaded onto my PC the other day that would not allow me to launch my browser. After 4 hours and 4 downloads of different spyware blasters, I finally found one that worked and it wasn't free :(.



2) I finally bought myself a dishwasher..YAY!!! Got a good deal at Sears believe it or not on a spiffy white Maytag. I finally got sick of putting my hand in a sink full of greasy, disgusting water that no one drained after they did the dishes. I HATE THAT! So, in the morning before I make my coffee, part of that ritual is to drain the sink just so I can empty the remaining cold coffee down and rinse out the pot. YUCK

3) I hate the F"N blue screen of death!!! Damn microsoft!

4) I hate it when the someone actually brings the full garbage bag to the garage but doesn't put a new bag in. GRRRRR...

5) Hello people!~ What is so difficult about replacing the toilet paper roll and why do we insist on leaving it on the sink so the paper gets all wet? HUH? Is it so difficult to put it on the toilet paper thingy??

6) WHY IS THERE A MILK CARTON IN THE FRIDGE WITH ENOUGH MILK IN IT TO FILL A THIMBLE?

7) Doesn't it seem like whatever lane you're in, the other one moves faster? And why is it that I always seem to get caught driving behind someone going about 20 miles under the speed limit about 1 mile before my exit?

8) Why doesn't anyone put the cap back on the toothpaste?

9) IF YOU MISS THE GARBAGE CAN WHILE PRETENDING TO BE MICHAEL JORDAN, PICK UP THE DAMN GARBAGE FROM THE FLOOR AND TRY AGAIN. DO NOT LEAVE IT ON THE FLOOR!

This post will be edited as I find more little annoyances.

Another round

*Sigh* with the lice. I really hate them and once again, Cass has brought them home with her. The only difference is this time, she's the only one who has them though, I did have to treat everyones hair again last night. I honestly do not know what to do. I suspect that she is getting them from her very good friend and I hate to put my foot down and tell her she can't go over there anymore but on the other hand, all the lice treatments are so expensive. Shampoo, spray, combs, nit removal gel costs me $30 a pop to treat all of us. I don't want to embarrass this family either. They've been pretty good to Cass. Suggestions? Should I write Dear Abby? More laundry is going to the laundromat today, more vacumming will be done, and once again, the pillows are bagged for a few weeks. Well that's that and it has to be done. I just don't know how to stop her from bringing these critters home with her. Then of course, to add REAL insult to injury, Emmie pooped in her tub last night while I was given her a bath.

Halloween night went well. The kids brought back about 45lbs of candy. They were on a mission! Ironically, the dentist that lives in this area has a reputation of giving out the best candy. A little incentive for his business perhaps??? Things that make you go HMMMMMM? I made my usual two pots of chili, had plenty of cold beer and had Emily provide her usual entertainment. She was dressed as a little devil this year and she played her part so beautifully by having two HUGE hissy fits before we hit the neighborhood. I took her to a few houses but grandma and grandpa took her for the majority. She wanted to walk by herself and apparantly, after a few houses, she caught on that when you knock on a door, SOMEONE GIVES YOU CANDY!!! So, she knocked on every door herself. As soon as we upload pics, I'll post some.

In other news, there is no other news. I'm off work today and about to get my butt off this chair and do something useful. I have to take Kris downtown later and I'm finally buying that new dishwasher YAY! My two dishwashers (Kris and Cass) do a really bad job so, I'm trashing them for a new model.